My friend M visited me last week, and we went to dinner to talk about stuff. Most importantly, her move to Los Angeles. She & her husband decided to take the leap and move their life across the pond! I love when people have balls to do such things, I was always put off with people who just accepted things. I will live where I was born, as much as I hate it, I will stay with the guy who does nothing for me just because I hate the change, the subordination of body & mind just annoys me terribly. I’m always for doing things that we want or need, regardless of hard circumstances. You can not consent. You have to object.

I also have to admit, it’s not easy for everyone. Nor it’s easy to move your life when you’re in your 30’s. I moved to United States when I was a teenager. You can not compare the difference of those circumstances. That’s why I try to help where ever I can, “give” my experiences and mistakes to take from, or just push people in the directions they want to go. It’s important to always just move, move, move! Never stay in place, seriously, people laugh when I say that, but trust me: ALWAYS MOVE. Whether it’s in your apartment or in life, never chill for longer periods of time, just be walking around, moving around, always be doing something, and that’s how you’ll get your DRIVE up! Talent, luck, possibilities, they are nothing without the drive.

If you like where this is going, I have to disappoint you, maybe another post. This one is not blow by blow of How To Make It In America, it’s one particular advice. Stay with me. Dinner, my friend, her move to City of Angels. So we cover the most important things regarding the move, and then she goes:

What about flying?

What about flying?

Miranda, I can’t. I’m terrified. Every time I have to fly, I say bye to my family and everyone I know, just in case I don’t make it!

And I start laughing hard. I mean, it was fucking hilarious. Hold on, I’m not a bitch that relishes in the pain of others, it’s just THAT WAS ME a second ago! And I have never met anyone in my life that was more afraid of flying & planes than I was. If you don’t believe the state I was in, you’re more than welcome to read one of my previous posts, and at the same time one of the most popular posts on this blog (hail to my crazy!) – I Believe I Can’t Fly. Yeah. That bad. Laugh, I don’t mind.

What happened? How can I joke all of a sudden about something that was bugging me so badly I almost reconsidered my worldly living arrangements? Well, that’s a lie. I would NEVER reconsider. But you get my point. I was flying on the verge of cardiac arrest. It was something I became known about. Something that was seriously messing up my life. Not just messing, but RULING my life. And that’s what happened. I did not want it to rule my life anymore. I didn’t want to be a freak(uent) flyer anymore! How did I do it? For my M that has to sit on a plane in exactly 21 days, and all of you folks that dread the same shit, these are my tips for how I managed to fix myself and almost started enjoying the travel. ALMOST.

Before you start anything or pack your bags, you have to rearrange your mind-set completely. First and foremost, sit and have a chat with yourself. People need to fly. It’s unavoidable. And fearing it, traveling like a nutcase, well it’s not cool. It’s not sexy, it’s not attractive and you can not be doing things that are not cool/sexy/attractive.

Secondly, and believe me on this one, I find this one THE most important one – travel ALONE. Trust me on this one. Don’t try to make people or boyfriends or friends travel with you. You’ll not always be able to do so, but try to travel alone when you can. Why? Simply because we are in full on survival, brave, beast mode when we are alone! If you have someone to relay on, you will fear more. You’ll smear all over. When you’re left alone to fend for yourself, you will be braver. Try and you’ll see.

Don’t relay on having a drink or popping a pill in a plane. That’s too late. The pill or the booze will never have time to work because you’ll be stressed out already and the chemical balance that’s already initiated with anxiety of being on the plane will kill the influence. Have a glass of something or pop the pill right after you pass the security check (don’t do it before, folks that drag their feet at the security checks are the most annoying shit). Those 20-ish minutes, half hour before you get on a plane will work the magic, and you’ll ALREADY be knocked up when in plane.

Lots of people that fear flying, including me until recently; travel in a manner of sleepwalking on a verge of cardiac arrest through the trip. Like we’re in some kind of parallel universe. We put on sweats, Uggs, we look like shit and we zombie our way to the destination, shaking all the way through. WRONG. You have to change your whole flying perspective. Do not think about travel as necessary evil you have to endure, think of airports and travels like you think about going to coffee shops, dinners, outings; all those places you go to showcase your new clothes, meet cute people, and such. Look around yourself, check if there’s cute guys around, or pretty girls, socialize, flirt, or just look! Just shift your concentration on the social aspect, you’ll forget about fear. I mean, if I cute guy is sitting next to you in a waiting room, shaking his head with the awesomest pair of Beats on, come on. Concentrate on him. He’s going into the same plane. Fuck turbulence!

Be uncomfortable when you travel. Yes, you read right. UNCOMFORTABLE. What I figured out and how I overcame my fear is that I can not be cozy & comfortable. When I am, there’s nothing on me that’s bugging me, so I concentrate on all the sounds in the plane, all the “suspicious” noises and such. Most important part of overcoming your fear is that you have to curb your over-thinking. Do not wear sweats and Uggs or have your hair in greasy pony-tail. Glam it up. Wear cool tight pants or jeans, tight top with open sweater or leather jacker. And most importantly, as I said – NO UGGS. NO SNEAKERS. You have to wear heels! 3-4 inch, at least. The jeans is going to be just a dash too tight, the top is going to be just a dash short, the jacket will be just a tad rigid, and the heels, o they will fuck with you all 10 hours of your trip! Perfect. You’ll be so concentrated on all of those things, the plane noises will be the last of it.

As you can sense in all of those previous tips, the point here is to do all the things opposite than you’d do it. Because you have to shift the over-thinking. Fear of flying is defined by irrational over-thinking. So remember. The OPPOSITE. Do not go to the bathroom when there’s no lines and the plane is steady. Go to the bathroom when there’s a bit of turbulence. Let it shake you a bit while you pee. When you get back to your seat, the shaking will feel much less scary, then when you bounced off bathroom walls or the aisle walking back to your seat.

Don’t relay on plane food. That’s the source of all the frustration, the meals and amount of food you get is SMALL. And when you get nervous, you don’t want to be wishing for snacks or something you want to eat but you can’t. Pack your bag with snacks, sandwiches, bars, and eat, eat, eat all flight long! Overeat. We’re less nervous when we pig out!

Movies. Lots of people told me, and that was also what I was doing, that they never watch a movie that they really want to see on a plane. Because they fear that the FEAR of flying will overcome their concentration, so they pick something they kinda wan’t to see, just to keep them occupied. Don’t do that. See the MOVIE you’re dying to see! You have to out-smart your fear, see the movie you really want to see, and hopefully you’ll get sucked in the plot way more than dreading the turbulence.

Try to fly VIRGIN if you can (the prices are exceptionally decent for who they are), and this is not the endorsement for the company; it’s just the fact they are fun, new, fresh, modern; they chat with you, they do on air quizzes, they give presents and bottles of Champagne’s, they screw with your mind announcing we landed in Nevada when you’re going to California (always on your toes, love that!), and most importantly for me – they announce when the turbulence will begin and end. I don’t know about you, but the fact someone telling me the exact time when it will began, makes my conspiracy theories lot less valid in my screwed up head!

And the final step for me that ALWAYS works. Checking who’s on the plane. I realize this doesn’t work for all the destinations, but my folks & I that fly to and from Los Angeles 5-6 times a year, flying with actors and show-biz people every single flight is what comes with the territory. Look around yourself. There’s a Harvey Keitel in the business class? Well cut the crap & start chilling right then and there! If Harvey goes down, then fuck it.

As for my M, girl, smoke a joint before you leave the house, pack your bag with tons of goodies, eat some amazing sushi at the airport, eye-flirt, brush past Harvey, dress up like the coolest rock-chick that you are, eye make-up and all; after all, you’re landing in Hollywood, looking the part is a MUST. You can not be Ugging your way through LAX, woman. And I’ll be right behind you to catch you on the other side!

AND THEN, all Hell breaks loose!

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