Hello, hello. I know. I’ve been a bit awol! You know that quote – “Sorry I’m late but I didn’t want to come”? – I love that quote. This was that department. Sorry I didn’t write, but I kinda didn’t want to. Say. Share.

I needed a cleanse. I caught myself just running, running, running without seeing the aim, really. I needed to stop. Collect. Explore. Feel. Gather myself. See what’s myself anymore. I change myself often. I feel exactly when one myself runs its course, and another has to enter the arena.

That was this time. Sometime you just have to remove yourself completely, say nothing for a while, in order to actually have something to say. Thanks to my girls Issidora & Sam, who held the Moodyer Fort while I was restocking my mental & emotional arsenal; you guys were still in great hands! Did you read their badass posts on Pregnancy and Contouring? Go. Do!

And what was I up to these past few weeks? Trying to solve this equation of life, how by going so forward, we actually end up going back. Deep, I know. We entered these times of mass miscommunication, social media, options, everything of everything, and by having more, we basically just got crippled.

I live in this beautiful town, the mighty LA, the altar where everything the whole world desires gets made, where everyone that whole world desires walks, and yet the relations among people are so behind, it’s downright scary. Advanced is not good anymore, people. We need to go back. Technology is getting smarter. People are getting dumber. But strangely, I have never met more intelligent, badass women then in recent time. In the same time, men that enter my space can not put one intelligent sentence together. Not uneducated or unaccomplished. Educated and accomplished. With the approach and a communication level of a 5th grader.

Sometimes I feel someone put me on Candid Camera, to test my nerves and surely it will end soon, someone is going to jump out of bushes and scream – “Gotcha!” There has to be some mistake here! Men can not be this unintelligent, the relationships can not be this lame, there has to be something someone’s doing here! Is this a video game? Let me the fuck out.

Enter my friend, well now he’s a friend, but he wanted to be more when we first met. It was the strangest yet the coolest approach I had in a while – “Hi, I’m Jai, I’m a Bollywood actor, I’m kinda famous back home, my parents want to arrange my marriage, women like me because I’m on TV, can you date me? I want to piss of my parents by bringing the white, non-Indian chick home, and I want to annoy those women, for the same reasons. You don’t even know who I am, I love it. Let’s do it. It’s on!”

The shit I hear from guys in Hollywood, this was fucking cool. Different. Frigging honest, at least! I didn’t know if I should be offended or flattered for a quick second, but we started to laugh, then did vodka shots, and then became friends! He is the healthiest human relation I have had in years; he calls, replays, invites, helps, communicates, just as a normal relationship should be.

I live in the mighty West, the Altar of everything, and it needed someone form the East, the Third World Country as the West would say, as much I hate that classification, to show me the decency of a human contact.

And I don’t know if that initiated the whole change in me, but I just got fed up. I got fed up with the America and it’s way of dating, relationships, the 72 levels of types of seeing someone, the first base, the second, the 36th, the dating, seeing, sleeping, hanging out, netflix and chilling, dating not seriously level 4, dating casually level 18, dating seriously level 12, dating exclusively level 67, dude, I quit. I makes me want to quit life, not dating world. I can’t even listen to it, more less do it. Honestly, I love this country, and feel more American then anything else, but the way this country does relationships is downright suicidal.

You can’t even watch television anymore, too. My current fav TV-Show, plot, dialogue – “He’s going on a conference, he didn’t invite me. Are you dating seriously or? I mean we didn’t have the exclusive talk, so I guess he doesn’t need to invite me. Oh, I find out he actually took this other woman! That’s ok, because we didn’t have a dating committed level 86 conversation still, so technically, he’s not doing anything wrong” – ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

How can people actually accept this? In real life or entertainment? I’d rather blow my brains out then subject myself to this. People, you meet people. You like people. You have sex with people. You date people. Or just have sex. END OF STORY. No layers, no levels. Only two things. Pick one. FINISH.

I find this confusion and supposed advancement in human relations terribly uninspiring. There’s nothing I hear or see that influences me in any way, inspires me in any way. So I decided to watch few Bollywood movies. My friend Jai never showed me any of his movies, he loved the whole  – you don’t know who I am – dance we sign up for, so I decided to find the fucker myself. And I got acquainted to some other Bollywood people through him, so decided to dig in a bit.

At first I was shocked! Movie 3 hours long, what? Breaking into a song in the middle of romantic climax?! No kissing?? How the fuck am I suppose to watch a climatic scene where it should end up with the kiss or in the sack, instead you break my moment with the frigging song? The song IS a romantic climax? Dude, I’m from Balkans, you need to be grabbing her, pinning her to the wall for me to feel the moment! Hold on a minute. Breathe. I ain’t no quitter! I will get this down.

I took me a second, (well, it actually took me about 15-20 hours of celluloid), but what it actually took was just this one person called Shah Rukh Khan entering the frame. Whaaaat, hold on, wait, what? The guy just creeped up on me, you know like that guy you see in the bar and you’re playing cool, kinda trying to pick some flaws with him and before you know it he’s walking towards you, starring you down, armed with the most secure walk, killer gait & precise, sharp though. Before you know it, he’s next to your chair, verbally duelling you to the point of physical excitement, having his hand on your neck, just seconds before you actually wished it. Yeah. That type.

Stop. Pause. Call Jai. “Who is this guy Shah Rukh Khan?”. I learned early in my life, do not dare ask one actor about another actor if you wish to still be walking. Huuuuge no! “What!” “Why are you asking me that?!” Dude chill, it’s either you or Google, the information WILL BE stored into the Miranda Database! You’re guessing, it was Google. And boy, it was something to see.

Shah Rukh or Shahrukh. Where the hell do you even start? The most famous Bollywood actor. According to Time Magazine, he has 3.5 billion fans, acted in about 80 movies, is world’s second richest actor, before Tom Cruise, Brad or Johnny, won over 50 awards, was awarded honorary doctorate by University of Edinburgh, a Chubb Fellowship at Yale. A King. A God. Apparently, we can go like this until the following week, but you know that’s not even the point, however grand his achievements are. It’s something with this guy that goes more. A feeling. Something that he imprints on you. There’s something so precise about him, the dialogues, the movement, the look. I love precise. I’m obsessed with precise.

At first I though this guy is so popular due to India having one of the largest populations in the world. It must be the numbers game, right? But then I went on a journey of slicing through his movies. And let me tell you, that ain’t no easy feat. People in India grew up with this guy. Watched his movies during 20-something year period. I had to crash course it! He has about 80-ish movies in his career. I killed about 30-ish (calculate that x 3 hour per movie. YES). And I finally got it. This guy is simply unmatched. The way he delivers dialogues, the way he goes from I love you to I’ll fuck you up in about 2 seconds, with a MBA in facial expression! You just can not turn your face away. There’s something. However silly some plots are, there is something there, there is heart. You feel this guy truly enjoying giving himself all in for your entertainment.

kuch-gifAnd I finally got the no kissing part. There’s absolute no need for it. SRK does an eye-sex, the face washed with thirst better then any actor I have ever seen in my life. To create sexual-tension, without an actual sex, only with eyes, face expressions and superb timing; and the level of smolder that he’s pulling, it will positively ruin every other movie I will watch from now on, without Khan level smolder happening.

I finally got the exaggeration of the Indian cinema too, its there to tear you apart, to make you cry, cheer, dance, feel; it’s the escapism at it’s best! And why would that be any worse than Hollywood shiz and President going to fuck up some aliens in Air Force One?!

And dancing? The one thing I fast-forwarded in the beginning, Khan fucked me there too. The way this guy can dance while being the award winning actor, where does your superiority end? The movement, the superb timing, the choreographed routines, the rhythm, every single little shoulder move in a reference to some other pre-movement, or a lyric, a word; the hip, the face turn. Let me tell you, this ain’t no boogie. This is serious. How in tuned you have to be with your body to act, dance, have such preciseness; with the same stamina & energy 20 years ago and today? Imagine Brad Pitt being the actor he is with let’s say 7-8 Oscars on his shelf, which Khan has in the Bollywood equivalent, now imagine Brad be all that plus breaking into a choreography on some serious Bieber, Chris Brown level?! It’s too much. Check it.

I might not see any other human being with the same set of eyes, not that I know of existence of such character. 

And I might be ruined for life with watching western shit ever again. Bollywood is gold. I mean fan blowing in actresses hair AT ALL TIMES regardless where they are, THE RAIN, o my god, in every movie there is 5 set of songs and 2 sets of rain pouring on those beautiful skins and full on make-ups that never wash out, the romantic scenes where you’re pissed and you want to leave but then he grabs your sari and pulls you back, hello! That might just be the romantic move of frigging century. I need to buy the sari and, just so the boys can stop me! There’s no fight worth fighting without grabbing my gear and pulling me back in the game. And, also, can someone follow me with the fan everywhere to blow my hair out, and a bucket to pour water at me few times a day? I refuse to live without sari pulling, hair blowing & water down my face.

All joking aside, Bollywood restored me a bit. Hollywood wore me out, both on screen and off; Bollywood, however silly or unrealistic it can be, it gave me cheer, glee, happiness. Just to see some plots about fate, kismet, spirituality, winning, overcoming, love; one simple love and not 78 layers of it. However unrealistic, there’s something so real about the emotion they transfer, and I miss that here in this town. I miss AN EMOTION. 

As for Khan, the person, not the actor; it’s difficult to decide which one is more impressive. Maybe not considered handsome in the most mainstrem sense, but trying to sum up this guy in one word, seeing his work, researching his persona, non other one word comes to my mind but just – beautiful. Commanding the room more than any other person standing next to him, seductive in every word he utters, or movement he makes, unapologetically himself, with perfect mix of humbleness and arrogance, razor sharp mind, an ageless, child like spirited soul that is innocent and naughty all in the same time; the guy that calls out his haters publicly on national TV to come to his house and tell him shit to his face, instead yapping anonymously on Twitter, I mean where do you go from here? Realizing such superior mind, talent and body of work exists, how do you even talk to people anymore? 

There’s a line in one of his movies, “Now that I know you, I can’t love anyone lesser than you”. And I say, now that I know of such impressive living breathing character existing in this world, how do you even talk to these incoherent, vague, disconnected, foggy imbeciles roaming the streets?

And to go beyond entertainment aspect, Khan’s life advices to people during his famous speech at Yale University is better life inspiration and boost than any advice I have ever read before (I will do a separate piece on it, as it’s a truly golden material). Completely unbothered with any aspect of age, rase, religion, color, status; with the rare charm and power to unite the people that don’t even speak his language; in the times when the chauvinistic pig named Donald Trump is about to rule the planet; Khan is the type of lucid superstar breed that can unite the whole world with the heart, without stepping foot in politics.

The songs I used to fast-forward, now I listen in my car, a Croatian born, American raised person, listening to the songs whose words in Hindi I do not understand, but know by heart, and they raise AN EMOTION in me. If that’s not uniting the world with the heart, then I don’t know what is.

SRK can not be explained more than attempted here. He needs to be experienced. So if you wish to hop on the adventure and feel some emotions you didn’t know existed in you, I suggest you watch these titles – Dilwale Dulhania La Jayenge (The Big-Hearted Will Take Away the Bride), Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, (Something Happens) Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (Never Say Goodbye), Jab Tak Hai Jaan (As Long As I Live) Billu BarberMy Name is Khan.

Expand your horizons! Every new thing you explore, physically by going places, or just mentally by researching and informing yourself on all the beautiful things or people existing on this planet; there’s always something of an essence to discover. Something you need to see/hear/learn right at that exact time . . .

SRK4

Photo credits – Vogue India & GQ India