Spoiler alert: This post contains lots of dick plots and sub-plots. If offended, exit now. But I recommend, you stay.

Wanted to cover the subject of age for the longest time, nothing specifically ever needs to happened to get on this subject that is older (and more tiresome than Christ), but since the recent outcry about Kate Beckinsale dating Pete Davidson, I might as well take it on, finally.

If you’re not familiar with the subject, Kate Beckinsale, actor, age 45, is dating Pete Davidson, comic, age 25. Let’s gather the Avengers! SWAT Team? ARE WE SERIOUSLY STILL ON THIS? The amount of shit comments on her Instagram daily with people commenting and volunteering their unsolicited opinions like they matter to anyone, wow. But that part is actually not wow. Wow is men. Men commenting. Wow.

If you read my blog long enough, you are aware of my daily fucking pondering about the fact (and how the fuck) women got so mentally advanced, evolved in recent times, but men stunted to an alarming degree. What is going on, boys? Like, seriously, is this a candid camera at this point? I keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out.

I always say, no women jealousy can compare to men jealousy. Not even close. What amazed me, and the internet, is the comment David Spade left on Kate’s instagram, saying, and I quote:

“You like them young! (Now don’t fight back and roast me, just quietly stew and take the hit.)”

Let me repeat that. NOW DON’T FIGHT BACK AND ROAST ME, JUST QUIETLY STEW AND TAKE THE HIT.

Take the hit. Sorry for repeating. TAKE THE HIT.

David Spade, the funny looking man who is notorious for dating gorgeous 22 year olds, repeatedly; left that particular message on Kate Beckinsale’s Instagram. Have you Googled Kate recently? Kate is godamn God. Not Goddess. GOD. You come on the woman’s profile to roast her about something you do all the time, AND you ask her to quietly take your roast and not fight back? (someone please tell me this was his sarcasm and he’s not this dense. Anyone?)

Now I probably overslept the class where the memo was handed out on guys free to pick the age they want in a woman, a boob size, a butt size, a hair color, shape; but get offended when a woman dares to pick a young guy who (most likely) pins her to the fucking wall every night. Specially when we talk about the sizes. Like what, you can pick every inch of woman’s body as you’re in the supermarket but we can not want, let’s say, a big fucking dick if we want to? Sorry, not here for this concept.

Guys on Kate’s Instagram are also offended with Pete’s look. He looks like and addict, they say (the man has a Crohn’s disease). He looks like a little boy. He dresses badly. How can you like him, they spew.

There are middle age men, balding, beer bellies in tow, with boring ass jobs and a tad of financial security, dressed in boring, wrinkled suits, with a watch on their hands that they saved for, for probably a decade, with dysfunctional sexual performances, and they unapologetically think women should have that. Dance around them, be sensitive about their millions of issues about work, money, divorce, nuclear waste, insecurity about just about everything, have understanding in the bedroom for shitty sex, I mean, dude? Seriously.

Reality check. We don’t have to do you. Or listen to your crap.

Did you ever hear about the phrase – Big Dick Energy? Or BDE? That phrase is invented because of Pete frigging Davidson. How? He dated Ariana Grande. Someone asked her on Twitter about how long is a duration of a song she dedicated to him. And this little gangster responded – “10 inches”. Internet broke. And the phrase – Big Dick Energy was invented. Don’t get me wrong, BDE is not just for guys. Women can have BDE too. Example, Rihanna has the Biggest Dick Energy on the planet. I can be modest now and play dumb, but come on, you totally know I have BDE.

But let’s give you an official definition. Yes, the phrase is in urban dictionaries now, there are opinion pieces written about BDE. The New York Magazine wrote a think piece on BDE and this is how they broke it down –

“BDE is a quiet confidence and ease with oneself that comes from knowing you have an enormous penis and you know what to do with it. It’s not cockiness, it’s not a power trip — it’s the opposite: a healthy, satisfied, low-key way you feel yourself. Some may call this “oh he/she fucks” vibe, but that is different: you can fuck, but not have BDE. Some may call this “well-adjusted,” but we know the truth.

While some of us know what BDE is, intuitively — or can quickly recall the names of people we know who have it — it’s not as obvious to everyone. So here, a BDE FAQ, because Big Dick Energy is the best thing to happen to the internet.”

How do you know if you or someone else has Big Dick Energy:

“Well, there’s a certain gait — sort of like you’ve got a massive dick swinging around — but also a twinkle in the eye, like if you look right at that twinkle you can see a dick swinging in the eye. It’s that thing that makes people bogglingly attractive to others, like Pete Davidson. It also is reflected in the way others look at you. Like, you can see your own big dick swinging in their eye.”

What is the opposite of Big Dick Energy?

That’s either Little Dick Energy or Mediocre Dick Energy. Rather than confident, that person is cocky, petty, loud. I’d diagnose Trump with LDE.

Do you have to have a Big Dick to have Big Dick Energy?

“No. You don’t really (though it is a common characteristic). What we’re talking about is really more of an aura, a vibe. There are men with Big Dicks, but who do not ooze BDE (example: Jon Hamm). There are men with average to little ones who can have so much BDE you’re surprised to find that their wang does not touch their knee. Sometimes the love of a partner can give you BDE. If your loved one loves you so much, you just walk a little taller.”

Let’s tell you about who has it and who doesn’t, so you can fine-tune this concept – 

Idris Elba: Biggest Dick Energy.
Justin Timberlake: Never.
Justin Bieber: Yes.
Kanye: No.
Cate Blanchett: For days.
Lenny Kravitz: O yes.
Batman: Yes.
Superman: No.
Chris Hemsworth: Sadly, weirdly, no.
Chris Evans: Abso-fucking-lutely.
Rihanna: Overflowing.

Now that we passed the class, you can tell, right? I can see someone for 14 seconds and tell, always could. Before we had the phrase defined. Now men don’t fucking get this. Justing Timberlake, the man with the Smallest Dick Energy (remember, more to do with vibe than size) for sure thinks he has it.

That’s the problem with most men. They don’t get it. What we want, what we need. When they send idiotic messages on our DM’s thinking that flies, getting hostile when it doesn’t. Having no clue what vibe we look for in a man.

In Kate’s case; half can’t understand why a woman would choose a guy 20 years younger, successful, therefore rich, the one that BDE is invented for, and, as we know, thanks to Ariana, an actual huge effing dick. And other half can’t understand how dare she date someone so much younger than her. Enough to blow your brains out!

Even before this whole scenario, even before Ariana, when I first learned about Pete Davidson, my first thought was – this is the sexiest underrated, intelligent as fuck guy who will get on to go great things. You just see it. Well, we see it. Most men, regular ass men, clearly don’t. Watch that video bellow and tell me this guy’s vibe, regardless of the physical taste you have in men, is not bigger that life (get to the part of paying for Kanye’s dinner) – 

To be so out of touch as to what women need, is mindboggling to me. To be so out of touch with what they give, and why would a woman that looks like Kate take it, when she can have young, exciting, hyper-intelligent, funny guy; aging is not just looks. Aging is energy. A will for life. A joy for life that not many have after they pass 35. And those who refuse to age inside, their soul, joy, energy, adrenalin for life is what gets them hated. How dare you? Why him? How dare you? How dare he?

This sexist stereotype that men insist on and women rebuff, more and more needs to seriously die. This is not the time of “The Graduate and bored, boozed housewife like Ms. Robinson seducing her daughters suitor, or the faux-empowerment of the First Wives Club”, as in the words of New York Post. This is reality.

Now, I don’t want to do the ungrateful task of generalizing, and I want to finish this topic in my own experience; there are some amazing men in their 40’s I know, but rarely they have the same zest for life that I do, and I find it tiresome. They absolutely always let their issues with something else take over our rapport, and that fucking tires me. Like, literally drains the life out of me.

Guys in their 20’s and 30’s are kinder, more self-assured, they are physically on my speed, and I pay a lot’s of homage to touch. Like to die to faint kind of touch. I’m in my 40’s and lots and lots of stories have been going around about how do I look like I do at my age and what do I do, questions daily, people constantly faint when I tell them I’m not 28 or 33; I do absolutely nothing. I barely work out. I don’t drink enough water. This is not a platitude, it absolutely comes from inside, the joy for life makes you young and you can’t have it if you just don’t have that joy. Energy. Intenseness we had at 17. I will always have it, its just my core.

Last year I was with someone that was 27, few years back someone that was 26, both times, when I casually threw that information to some of my friends, the why’s and how could you’s – escaped their mouths, in awe. And I was in awe of their awe. Are we seriously still on this? Why does this bother you? Men for one reason, women for another?

And to be fair, its not just guys who can’t comprehend this new-age (pun intended) age equation. Women are vile too. Young woman. When they see a guy they like with a woman older than them, or someone they don’t even like, the comments are brutal: “What are you doing with that grandma, how can you date that old fucking woman”, it always amazes me, maybe even more then men amaze me on this subject. Men are clueless about this matter and always will be. But do these young women understand only height is forever, size is forever, color of your skin is forever; age is not fucking forever. Do they realize they will, sooner that they think, be that woman, be that “grandma” be that “old” woman.

I have never seen more hate towards anyone but women at their 40’s who refuse to give a fuck and live how they want. Imagine being 20 and being threatened with 40 year olds? Imagine being 20 and you can’t do something (or someone) that a 40 year old can and does? How said is your life? And where can you go from already losing, when you can even win with youth on your side? I didn’t think about single soul when I was 20; having a hard time even now giving a damn about anyone else and who swims in my lane.

And at the end of this think-tank, about Kate and tons of comments harassing this woman to the point she had to shut down her social media, and the constant questions that I get from my friends who get amazed, insulted and assaulted with how unburdened I am about age; my own, and the people I date, it only comes down to four simple, small, little words:

BECAUSE WE FUCKING CAN.

Now, can someone, for the love of god, put that on that memo. Include Spade in the chain, too.