SALT. Sorry for delay, but I really didn’t plan on covering this movie. Not that I don’t like it or anything like that, it’s that I think there’s not much to say about it. It’s good, it works, and that’s about it for me. It was just simply good fun, Angelina looked majestic, Liev Schreiber is solid like always (seriously climbing up my ladder of favorite actors), August Diehl was charming, almost as his Inglorious Bastards role…

See, there’s movies that just evoke something in me; it can be good or it can be terrible; important thing is that there’s something I feel strongly about when I walk out that theater. This is the type of movie that didn’t evoke any of those specific feelings. That’s the reason I didn’t feel compelled to write about it. Also, this is the type of movie that is difficult to analyze without exposing a plot or mess up the viewer’s entertainment value. So I’ll just say it’s mighty good thriller, it’s absurd at times, but it’s beautifully absurd. It’s looking good while being absurd. The thing I appreciate the most is that there’s not much effects or CGI, and some things look scarily real. Can’t seem to get around the fact someone so frail as Angelina can do all those stunts that she’s insisting of doing herself, but she pulled it off.

The plot is smart, it holds attention, even though you know throughout the whole movie – there’s a small chance Evelyn Salt is going to turn out to be a villain. No studio in their right mind is going to make Angelina Jolie a bad guy. The furthest they’ll go is to make her an anti-hero. And if you expect to see a female Bond in action, let me just tell you she makes Bond look like a woos. She ain’t stopping for martinis and quick booty calls. She’s all about action and action alone.

Sorry, that’s all I have.

But I have something else. Something I found much more interesting, not that the movie’s not, but you know me. I feed on inadequacies, hate, complexes, frustration. It makes me stronger. Like a Vampire’s blood. I can smell it, like they smell fresh blood. I see it in the eyes, even when it’s attempted to be hidden. The frustration. And I just adore all the frustration that evaporated from people with release of this movie. Seriously, it’s fun to watch. I stand corrected, it’s hilarious to watch – what this slight little woman and her existence is doing to people’s insides.

Premieres. Photocalls. Red carpets. Interviews. And the hate that followed. Written, said, public and anonymous. It’s like watching a movie. It might even be more fun than SALT. Let’s give it a title – “Angelina Jolie, a Living Reminder of Everything That’s Wrong With Us! A blockbuster.

See, I only noticed this amount of hate directed towards this person, now. Never really picked it up before. Since I’m pretty aware of her existence and all the fun hardware that go with it, I’m pretty sure the hate in these amounts only appeared now. I get it. It was easier to hate her less when she was “fucked up”; drugs, knives, men, women, tattoos, blood and so on. Everybody loves what’s fucked up. Imposed ‘fucked up-ness’ makes fuck-ups feel normal. But now that she got out of it, not easy to handle, ay?

I just don’t get people. How dare she be a drug addict and get out of it?! How dare she get the most desired man in the world?! How dare she be the most sough after female movie star of our times?! How dare she have beautiful kids?! How dare she get out of it, grow up and become a normal, when normal is reserved for those for whom normal is all they have….?

Inquisition is long over, folks. Get over it.

I recently read a study by Dr. Drew that said:

Envy is different from jealousy. Jealousy is: “They have it and I want it.” Envy is: “They have something and I don’t have it therefore that diminishes me so I must tear them down. That is why people hatefully gossip, instead of just having a normal conversation about someone.

See, I expect that from women. Ugly, unsuccessful, poor or irrelevant woman, equals hell.

But this is more.

The cab driver the other day: “Where are you guys going? To see a movie. Which movie? Salt. Is that Angelina Jolie? Yes. I hate her. She’s a terrible actress.” A fucking cab driver. Terrible actress? An Oscar winner? An Oscar does not guarantee the best actress in the world, but surely can not be given to a terrible actress. A Pakistani cab driver?! Jesus.

The idiot that wrote that book, her “Biography” without questioning a single source that knows her. Instead, he wrote a book about someone’s life based on analysis of psychiatrists that never met her in their lives. But they looked at her picture, and drew conclusions from her face expressions and body talk. Jesus.

But the anonymous comments are the best.

My fav collection:

“He’s only with her because of the kids”

“She’s cutting her daughter’s hair and dressing her into boys clothes because she wants to de-feminize her out of jealousy and competition, because she’s afraid Brad will love Shiloh more”

“She hates Pax”,

…and winner takes it all:

“I can’t believe Angelina asked Twitter to give her her name back!!! There was actually someone else using @AngelinaJolie but she requested that the account be suspended and took it over?!?! Is that how she treats her fans!!! By having their accounts suspended for just using her name?! Yeah that’s real nice of you Angelina! You whore!

Don’t you love this last one? And he/she is absolutely right! How dare this bitch Angelina request her own name back! How dare she mess up a life of some pathetic little soul who constantly wrote stuff pretending to be her? That, bitch. See, in that last comment lies the whole point of Angelina Jolie and the core of why she’s hated this much. It’s actually not because she is amazingly beautiful, rich, loved, successful pr compassionate. It’s because she’s fucking smart. It’s because she plays with them like fucking Lego’s and they can’t do absolutely nothing about it.

It’s because she has balls to call up on Twitter and ask them to suspend the fucker that’s using her name.

It’s because she can make NY Times write a piece on her looking more like student telling on another student to its teacher, than the serious newspaper article. It’s because the same mighty NY Times knows she’s an entity and they can complain like little bitches because “skillfully, she dictates terms to celebrity magazines involving their coverage of her and her family, creating an awkward situation for publications that try to abide by strict journalistic standards”, or in translation = this little bitch is having terms of what we can and can’t write about in order to even give us an interview or an access to her, which means she legally fucked us about running wild and making up stories about her.

How dare she. In jail with her! How dare she mess up with just about everybody that’s trying to mess with her?! Doesn’t she know her life belongs to us? How dare she stop us dissecting her life, tweeting her life, how dare she? How dare she control her life?

She must be fake. That’s my absolute favorite. “She’s so fake. She’s the biggest faker in the world”.

It’s true.

If only she can be natural and real, like her “nemesis” and make up boyfriends, situations, relationships…..or real like that little wannabe of hers who is a sex machine, o wait, no, she’s practically a virgin, o wait, no, she’s actually bisexual, o wait, no, she’s actually had only two boyfriends, o wait…

If Angelina can only be real like that. It would be REAL perfect.


Miranda Vidak
Miranda Vidak

Founder & Designer of Moodytwin Inc. Disrupting the conversation about culture, identity, relationships & social issues.

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