The time has come. The Social Network’ Movie. Another couple of weeks. I have to say, I can not wait for this movie to open. I want to see it so badly. I don’t know what I wanted to see as eagerly as this, well….maybe Wanted’. The thought of James McAvoy pressing on Jolie lips was just too much to whitstand. But ‘Social Network’…? No Jolie and no McAvoy, but everything I like in a story; true event, rise form nothing to all of it (well, in their case, it was more like rise from a much of it, to the unreachable of it), converting sole passion into colossal success; and naturally, everything that follows such scenario – the jealousy, the crossings and double crossings, followed by personal and legal combat of epic proportions. Yay.

See, this subject interests me intensely. As a person who’s known for acquaintances that matter and connecting A and B for the purpose of achieving and creating valuable ventures; it always amazed me how few of those actually worked. All my life I connected people with ideas with people with money, and vice versa; and one side almost always blew it. The reasons were various; lack of concentration, brain, energy, vision, attention; but the one that almost always stood out was – “I just can’t believe that would actually work”… I’m over-eager to see a story of someone that actually thought something he created in the dirty dorm-room CAN actually work. Even more, I want to see how he convinced people that make it happen, it WILL work. The subject is a different story. What movie and the actual project was about. Facebook.

Mighty Facebook. As much as I’m impressed with their (or his, I’ll decide on that when I see the movie) idea and passion, I’m everything but impressed with the actual project they created. Facebook. God, it’s stupid. Or people on it made it stupid? I can’t decide. It’s like an online portfolio of the worst in people, displayed out there for all to see. The stupidity, the materialism, pathetic-ness, bad characters, low self-esteems covered up in the worst of auto-suggestions and unrealistic-ness, losers leaching on to successful or known or both kinds of people to deal with their own nothingness, illiteracy…jesus. Everyday I get on it, I flinch. What Zuckerberg forgot to do (among other 534263426 other things he forgot to do) is to not allow everyone to get on it. He should of done some pre-eliminatory test before you can sign on. A mandatory IQ test, before the sign in. Placement test, like you have in colleges. Anything. Fill that shit up and if you are illiterate asshole, why bother?! If you can not write properly, you can’t get on Facebook. Step away from the computer.

There are couple of my fav Facebook thingies, the ones I absolutely adore. I mean who needs television, when you have facebook? There’s comedy, there’s tragedy and there’s utter horror. My first fav on Facebook is chicks who only write stuff when there’s something grandiose happening in their lives. You don’t see or hear them for 4 months, but then one day you see a status out of the blue – “I just love my rich boyfriend who just bought me a Porsche, and he’s so great and lovely and pretty (right), and I love him soooo much, thank you my lovely love love! ” And then you see the lovely boyfriend write less and less to her and more and more to some other chick, and all of a sudden the Porsche and the status and the chick is gone. Until the new one. Porsche I mean. Or the lovely boyfriend. Or the status. They all matter the same, after all.

Pictures. They are the real treasure of Facebook. They show us how people perceive themselves. Like when they put pictures of Hollywood legends on their profile pics. It’s funny to do it for like 48 hours, but when Marilyn Monroe, Brigitte Bardot or Raquel Welch is your profile pic all the time, what is wrong with you? No, I do understand it, and there’s just no way that is funny, or a metaphor, or there’s anything remotely cute about it, however you might explain it to yourself. It’s one thing putting Megan Fox’s face on your profile; putting a legend is another pair of pants. The one you do not need to put on.

Comments. I love the comments part. I could live off of comments on Facebook. People that comment on pictures are truly priceless. The way shamelessly lie is unreal. You see pictures of women looking like they’ve been thrown out of a tsunamy; but under their pics, you will almost all the time see the parade of – “O my god, you are soooo beautiful, you should be on the cover of Vogue, you are so pretty it’s not even real, you should be a model…”. Or you’ll see the picture of some homely looking chick with brown hair, with comments like – “You look exactly like Natalie Wood”. And if that’s not enough, the woman will respond, “O I know, everyone’s been telling me that”. If I count the times I saw – “You are so beautiful, Angelina who?!” – under the pics of queens of busted, it would be too many.

Spelling. It’s scary how many people are illiterate and even scarier how many of those do not give a shit about it. I love it when I see let’s say – business women, well in their forties, who promote their businesses 24/7, post links of their new ventures and shit, and they can’t even spell right. Typo is a one thing, being illiterate is whoooole other ball game. The even more amazing part is that they’re not even embarrassed about it. Erase that fucking shit, and write it again asswipe! But no, they post their pictures from Maldives, and Caribbean, in expensive shit on expensive yachts and then they do not know where . , ; ; – and space go. Instead, when the humanity has the disadvantage to see the mistake belonging in the halls of elementary school, they write another comment underneath the illiterate one – “O my god, life is good, summer is peachy, whoooaaaa, I made that mistake there, but lobster is waiting on the deck, life is greaaaaat, I’m so silly!” You are not silly, woman. You are an idiot. A picture of your huge house does not disqualify the embarrassment of you being illiterate in your age.

Statuses. Silly idiotic retarded, unnecessary, irritating statuses. Unless you are an A-list Hollywood star, why do you think we would want to know what you had for lunch, when you woke up or when you shit? Yeah, I don’t mind knowing what Eva Longoria ate this morning. You? Sorry, but never.

Quotes? If you really wanna do quotes, maybe you wanna find some new, fresh ones, instead of posting the – “It’s not what’s outside that counts, it’s what’s on the inside” – first popin’ in 1000 b.c. If you don’t have the mental capacity to share something of a real value to a wide audience, that don’t freakin’ do it.

The hearts, smaller hearts, big hearts, pink hearts, red hearts, purple hearts, teddy bears, flowers, butterflies, presents and shit you put on my wall daily with a smiley and a mandatory – “This is for you from me”, for once in for all – I do not give a shit about your virtual present. I’m a bitch? Thank dear God. And you realize it’s not even the virtual part, it’s I DON’T KNOW YOU part. You do realize I wouldn’t take a real teddy bear if you gave me one. It’s not nice. It’s stalkerish.

Like. Like Like Like Like Like Like Like. Let me get this straight, you like my status, then you like someone’s comment on my status, then you like my respond to the comment on my status, then you like your own comment on your respond to my respond to someone that responded to my status, and you like his/hers respond too! O lord. I absolutely hate this idiotic feature. You like something I said? Who cares, really? Do you have an opinion? Is there anything you can/want/need to say about something I said/wrote/posted? No? Then just read it, and let it be. Rather tell me I’m an asshole, than to press likes all day long without saying shit.

Invitations. Games, groups, events. If you live in some forsaken place, and I live in Los Angeles, and you know that and see that attached to my name, sending me invitations for your events in forsaken city over and over again, where is that taking us exactly, except in mental institution?

Illiterate and idiotic flirting over the inbox. If you’re missing couple of teeth, adore folk singers, can not spell or punctuate, you can not be sending me inbox messages with “hey beautiful” in the subject. What are you thinking? What about you should make me wanna jump on it, exactly?

Association. Also one of my favs. Chicks who you have to click on two and a half pics to see their golddigging tendencies. Those crack me up. They post pictures from Cannes, St. Barts and so on, they post pictures standing in front of the Louis Vuitton store, they post pictures standing proud next to a random Ferrari they saw somewhere on the street and whipped the camera out. I mean…? Explain please? What achievement exactly are you proud of? That you found the LV store somewhere in the world? Wow, you’re so special! That you’re standing next to a random Ferrari? Why are you posting that pic? Does a proximity with Ferrari equals some kind of weird success the rest of us don’ understand? What are you, a successful international Ferrari finder & proximitor extraordinaire? But I have to be honest, I’ll take one Ferrari and LV pic over 352423 same looking pic people post. One pic from one specific frame is enough. Do we need to see an animation of your movement? Do we need to see 120 pics from your last night out where you move your hand an inch every 30 pics? And your kid. We love your kid, but we can see how cute he is in 30 pics. We don’t need 160 of them. Last but not least, people with an album called

ME”. Really? It’s your profile. You? What gave? And to top this daily idiocy, when at the end of the day Facebook itself suggests me my own fake profile to add as friend, I’m ready to sign out from existence, not just Facebook. And when I hear people say – Twitter is sooo boring Facebook is sooo much better, that truly tells me how undeveloped their mental capacities are. Don’t call it boring just because you don’t understand the point of it. Social Network shuld be there to transfer an information. Not for you to dwell on your inadequacies. FB and Twitter absolutely can not be compared.

Facebook is designed to give all the ugly, untalented, unrelevant and annoying a place to become “relevant” for a second, or so they feel. Twitter is a work of art. Twitter is a revolutionary platform where there’s no poking, no shitting, no manipulation, no people sticking their nose in your business; on Twitter, they are just spectators. The way it absolutely should be. Twitter is a platform that created raw, unedited information that travels fast; it’s the platform that produced frank conversations, it’s given people a chance (and space) to directly express their thought, no middle man. Twitter single handedly (well, with a significant help from blogs) destroyed tabloid media, and set the information free. You can shit all you want, but the second the one you shit about steps on Twitter, you, the shittier – is caput. Facebook makes problems. Twitter solves problems.

But what do I know.

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If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, check out my publication on Medium and personal stories on Substack.

connect with me:

Miranda Vidak

Storyteller. Creative. Founder / Designer of Moodytwin Inc. Disrupting the conversation about culture, society, tv, dating, self, one op-ed at a time.

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