Two things came to my mind when I thought about Black Swan’ before seeing it. The beautiful, haunting and tantalizing picture of Natalie Portman’s face on the film’s poster, and something I read about it. I read so much stuff daily, but just sometimes; someone’s words make me do things. They literally move me physically. Get me off my chair. I’m not saying I wouldn’t see Black Swan if I didn’t read what I read, but I surely wouldn’t see it as connected as I did.

Usually, I see movies on the premiere nights or at least opening weekends, this one I waited to see on purpose. I wanted to hear all the rumors, all the opinions, all the feelings people had about it before I see it. I wanted to do an experiment; I wanted to fill my head with all bunch of shit about Black Swan. I wanted to be saturated with I it. And then, I wanted to be able to distinguish people by how they perceived it.

And how did they? Mostly wrong. Some the way it should – by reviewing the level of their own Black Swan-ess. What I found most interesting – most of the guys hated it. Interesting, but surely not surprising; when was the last time guys understood the inner struggles of a woman? Specially the ones they themselves inflict upon us. How can a guy understand a struggle of a woman who was forced to be a childlike perfectionist of an artist, a good little obeying girl – to forget all she knew all her life, and transform to a first class seductress? Guys are not capable of understanding the fight within. Specially when the fight in question is between the things they like most in a woman, just not in the same one. A nice little shy, moral girl. A seductress.

The first one – stay in the house. The second one – wait for me outside.

Too classic, to even be considered classic.

Tons of people asked me to review this movie, but I kinda don’t want to go deeper than this. I just feel this is the type of film that shouldn’t be particularly discussed or analyzed with someone that didn’t see it, felt it. An emotion that comes out of you after viewing it – is just something that shouldn’t be imposed on other. What is it to say about Natalie Portman and the easiness that radiates from every emotionally demanding role she takes on. Leon, the Professional. V for Vendetta. Black Swan. What is it to say really? You watch her, and you watch it with silence.

Every time I see Natalie Portman, I remember how she’s, alongside Meryl Streep; the first and ultimate choice of favorite film partner to the most untalented of actors. Or “actors”. I find it amazing. Every single time I read or hear some poorly skilled actor or fame-seeker type of “actor” talking about who they would like to act alongside with the most – they shoot, Natalie Portman! I find it implausible, someone with questionable talent would say such thing. Natalie Portman? I mean, really?

Get reborn first, and then, let’s try it again. Welcome to the world. Say what? Ummmm, no. Sorry. Still a blasphemy.

Mila Kunis? Rarely there’s a person who can be cute, hot, sweet, sexy, funny and deadly; all in a same time.

Barbara Hershey? Just a look and a head tilt. The end. Mommy dearest, to the fullest.

Vincent Cassel. Uh. How do I even begin about Vincent Cassel? See, I don’t think he is much different privately than his role in ‘Black Swan. Or many other of his roles, really. Not pretty, even ugly-ish, but with a self confidence that is the mother of all self confidences. He is a type of person that will eye you in a bar, and you’ll turn and think – “gosh, why is this ugly dude eyeing me….”, and before you know it, he’ll be next to your chair verbally duelling you to the point you’ll ask him to tell you what you think, and he’ll have his tongue in your mouth just a second before you actually wished it.

“Open your mouth, open your mouth…” scene with Portman. Man, o man. Vicent Cassel, I tell you.

Darren Aronofsky. What’s to say about the man who can take the absolute best from every actor he works with, every single time? Not best, but the thing they didn’t even realize they had. Requiem for a Dream, anyone?

Aronofsky + Portman = theater, now.

But Portman. Not enough words. The looks, brain, education, character, self preservation, humbleness and life choices – if there’s a perfection in life, Natalie Portman is as close as it gets.

Oh, I never told you what I read, that made me see this movie….? Right.

By Stephanie Klein, of the Greek Tragedy blog:

The opening of the film, with Natalie Portman as good girl Nina ripping up the soles of ballet shoes, scoring them, her reflection in a mirror—rhythm, metered steps, a French accent. And all I can think is that I should be harder, stricter, a black twin of myself. Hard, conniving, tough. A mother you remember for getting in your face and pulling the best out of you. Can you embody both white and black? Be a twin of yourself? Can you be a graceful white swan and also be a back-stabbing bitch? Yes we can!

I loved this movie, but what I liked even more is a symbolic it represents in life. The white and black. The soft and tough. The right and wrong. The way how Nina is designed in a film – pinkish coat, white scarf, hair pulled back, bare make-up……as oppose to her black twin that passes her by in the subway – the black coat, hair down, strong make-up….

The good and bad. Are we just good, or just bad? And what is bad anyways? Who decides what’s bad? Us, the ones being bad, or the ones that might be on a receiving end of our bad? Can we be both? Or as Stephanie Klein puts it – “Can you be graceful white swan and also be a back-stabbing bitch?” Or the teacher in the movie – “You can do the white swan Nina, I know that, but can you do the black swan, that is the question. Can you be the black swan of yourself?”

See, I think there’s no white or black swan, good or bad people. We are all good, and we are also all bad. We can be bad. And we should be bad if we feel like being bad. We should be hard, conniving, tough and black twins of ourselves. Maybe its bad for others, but it’s good for us. It’s an revelation.

And sometimes in life, doing what we know it’s bad – listening to bad music, eating bad food, doing bad stuff, drinking bad shit, socializing with bad people, going to bad places, doing the wrong people – is exactly what we need to find our balance, our place and ourselves.

And who is to dare say who we are, but ourselves alone?

If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, check out my publication on Medium and personal stories on Substack.

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If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, check out my publication on Medium and personal stories on Substack.

connect with me:

Miranda Vidak

Storyteller. Creative. Founder / Designer of Moodytwin Inc. Disrupting the conversation about culture, society, tv, dating, self, one op-ed at a time.

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