I’ve never been a person into tests or quizzes; the thought of few questions/answers/results determining you or telling you what you should do next always seemed utterly pointless to me. I always preferred to see it simply as leisure, and nothing to actually live by. Joke around, take with your BFF’s or boyfriends so you can piss on them if they don’t “end up” being what you wanted, but nothing more.

BUT this one’s good people, this one’s good! Good and god damn funny. And waaay helpful! Does it ever happen to you that you expect something of people that never ever fucking happens, and it pisses you off, or it hurts you in such unexplainable manner, while there’s something else seemingly much more serious and hurtful to many people that you do not give two flying fucks about?

Exactly.

I stumbled upon this book The 5 Love Languages  by marriage counselor & Dr. Gary Chapman, and the idea is not just for couples, but also singles, parents and basically every human being to better understand the language of love. We feel unloved when in reality – the love we don’t see as such is just being expressed to us in a different language! This book is also a New York Times #1 Bestseller  for months now, and trust me when i tell you, it’s good.

We grow up learning the language of our parents, which becomes the language we speak and communicate to people. In love, it’s also similar to that. In love, we speak with emotional love languages. The language we speak can be completely different than to what our partner might speak. The difference being the same as difference between English and French! See, those things we care about, or let’s call it emotional love language; all of us speak different one; meaning for us, the signs of love are one thing, and for our partners it might be a completely different thing. Remember when you fight with your girlfriend or boyfriend and they’re trying to explain to you how you hurt them and you just don’t see it? Or vice versa? As i said, it’s because you speak different love language. And to realize which one you do speak, and which one does your partner speak, it can diminish lots of misunderstandings and grief.

For example, I’m not big on presents. Never was. I more like to give, than receive a present. I’m not crazy about people, friends or boyfriends buying me bags, shoes, or anything for that matter, I like to buy stuff for myself, I’m so specific about what I like, no one can get my taste to the tee anyways. But there’s lots of people who evaluate relationships through presents, and evaluate how much people care about them according to what they gift them. I’m also not that big on – I love you’s – and basically words that are suppose to tell you how someone feels, I rather like to see it with actions, then hear it. After all, anyone can say stuff, but to show it with actions, you have to mean it. Touch means something to me, yes, it does show love to me, but then again, does it really show love or lust? But what I DO care about, gravely, is how someone listens to me! Not if they listen, but HOW they listen. Also, I care when people do stuff instead of you, a chore, anything that you don’t have to do as a result, a little things that add up. When I have to go to the store or do something around the house, and the guy does it instead of me, even though he would rather be on the moon to avoid that, that’s what shows me love.

I always found that extremely weird, I could never understand why a conversation with someone I love who’s listening to me without moving his face, or going to the store instead of me means more to me that any gift, or I love you sentence, and it can probably piss me off more if the guy is barely listening to me while doing 16 other things, than if he’s checking out every third woman that passes by. Weird, right?

What’s the deal here? Why are we the way we are, why do we care so much about something, while not giving a damn about something that might be much more serious? And do we fight like maniacs because we DON’T KNOW what the other one truly cares about?

It’s the language. Some speak the same, some don’t.

When i took this quiz, i was skeptic in the beginning, as i told you, not big on quizzes. But when i did it, I laughed for 15 minutes when I got the results. It was so accurate in telling me what I care about in love, what specific details show me love and for which I do not care at all, all I could do is roll over and confirm to myself how that’s the # 1 reason I always fight with the boy. Uncanny.

These are the 5 Love Languages. When you take the quiz, it elaborates to you which one of these Love Language do you speak, and what’s important to you:

WORDS OR AFFIRMATION – This language uses words to affirm other people

ACTS OF SERVICE – For these people, actions speak louder than words

RECEIVING GIFTS – For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift

QUALITY TIME – This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention

PHYSICAL TOUCH – To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch

love-languages-grey

You have to take this test, I tell you, it’s that good! Make your boyfriend-girlfriend take it too, and see what you each care about, and what you’re fucking up!

And that’s the easy part.

Good luck with trying to make the assholes you love actually implement the lesson learned into your relationship!

If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, check out my publication on Medium and personal stories on Substack.

connect with me:

If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, check out my publication on Medium and personal stories on Substack.

connect with me:

Miranda Vidak

Storyteller. Creative. Founder / Designer of Moodytwin Inc. Disrupting the conversation about culture, society, tv, dating, self, one op-ed at a time.

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