New year resolutions are so last century. What’s much more productive is thinking about all the stuff that was annoying us this past year. Think about it, dwell in it, just bask in that annoyance of everything that was 2014. Letting go, that’s what quitters do. And we ain’t no quitters. We stay until the end, we dwell, we relish our annoyance, annoyance is what keeps us alive.

I was thinking whether to do a list of people that were annoying the hell out of hella in 2014, but since I have a bit of life and that would take 17 weeks to write, I decided to just do the words instead. After all, the words are coming outta people’s mouths, so it’s like borderline doing people anyway.

The words I want to eliminate so they can die a slow death, are:

BAE

I don’t think there ever was a word on this planet that was used to sound fly while utterly failing at it. It has to be hands down the most annoying word since the beginning of times. That word needs to be arrested yesterday and put into a gas chamber. Never ever was a word that showcased such an unbelievable amount of lameness concealed in pretend cool. That word is like a mediocre child its parents convinced of greatness and it cruises around the planet later on, on a cloud of cockiness and despair. Plus, letters A & E can not follow each other. Say it. Mouth is not suppose to say AE. Unless you want to sound like a mentally challenged mutant. Or a sheep! Do you want to sound like a sheep? #IThinkNot

SELFIE

Selfie. A pic of you, on your profile, with the caption – selfie. Really? You don’t say? What gives? And here I was, thinking a freaking E.T. zoomed into you from space, and in order to not confuse me and let me go home pondering and conclude this day as utter waste of logic, here it is – selfie. I’m enriched.

ME

I love this word when it’s a title of an album on Facebook, containing the pics of a person whose profile it is. A profile of a person containing the album called – ME – with the pics of that person’s pic in the album. Or the hashtag #me on Instagram, bellow the person’s pic. Call the Pentagon, I wan’t to talk to a Department of Speculation. I’m just not convinced!

LOL

Let’s get something straight. I don’t mind LOL on its own. But when used at the bottom of the text or caption, I just can’t. It has to be the most annoying word on the planet when used like that. Why? Because it’s used in the exact opposite manner than its meaning. When someone writes something borderline shitty, offensive, and they end it with LOL? Its like the LOL erases the content it preceded! “Go fuck yourself you piece of shit, LOL! Let me send you my penis picture even though I saw you once in your life, let me be the biggest douchebag on the planet and send the most demeaning disrespectful pile of words, but let me finish with LOL at the end, and that makes it all fucking AMAZING! Or when 45 year old men text you some illiterate shit and use LOL at the end? You are almost 50 but you’re LOL-ing me? Nigga, please.

FLAWLESS

Love flawless. Adore. Everyone is motherfucking flawless on social media, and the piles of crap some people have stomach for when commenting on their busted looking friends with flawless shit thrown like it’s nobody’s business, you can’t. Quit it. No one’s flawless, everyone has a flaw, me, you, me, everyone else. You are not flawless. Your bitch is not flawless, no one is flawless. Nothing on this planet is flawless, and it’s ok, I’m sure we will all live through it, and come out the other way, capable of somewhat desirable existence.

AMAZING

Hey, we’ve all been offenders with this one, we all used it sometimes, but there are some questionable folk who use AAAAMAAAAZING all the time, and they need to be arrested. Amazing time in this amazing club with the most amaaazing music and my amazing bro and my amazing clothes, life, universe and everything is so freaking illuminating & amazing, and STOP, asshole. Read a book. Expand.

BROTHER / BRO / BROTHA

Bro. I live for this word and how annoying it is, I swear. Everybody’s a bro! But I love it most when you take a picture with someone famous and caption it – my bro. But the situation where I’m absolutely in love with bro / brother / brotha is when it’s paired with some muscles, countless clubbing pics, glass of whiskey, a cigar and a two fingers up in a victory sign! I JUST ADORE THAT COMBO, I want to marry those dudes. And then I want to find their phones and make a bonfire. With two fingers up in the victory sign!

KILLED IT

Never ever have we lived in a more of a mediocre world, then at the moment. And never more than right at this moment, were there more faces unaware of their unawareness of who they are and a huge nothingness they are capable of. You see them post their mediocre photoshoots that their cousin shot, or their lame ass products they are peddling, and the comments bellow in the likes of – “Bro, you KILLED IT”! There is a pic of you on the edge of wall, and – “You killed it!” People win Oscars, people. That’s a kill. A great product is a kill, great photo is a kill, there are amazing things put into this world and your lame ass photo is not a kill. The only thing that is a kill here, is the insides of my brain. All right?

OM NOM NOM NOM

When I see the string of these words, I fear the Teenage Ninja Turtles are coming to attack us. What is the purpose of these words? Who invented these? Can we arrest him/her? I read somewhere an interesting comment about retarded ways to comment food: “The English language is blessed with countless ways of saying – this food is delicious.Try one of those instead.” Please. Let’s.

#HAVEFUN / #DREAMBIG / #LIVELIFE

When I see people use hastags HAVE FUN, DREAM BIG or LIVE LIFE, all together, or separately, I swear to you; I want to stop the planet and exit. These three must be the most pointless phrases ever uttered. HAVE FUN? Really? And there I was, thinking we all hate fun, want to spend our lives in utter despair, and it’s important to point out what we’re doing here. DREAM BIG? Really? And there I was thinking we should all dream really small, who wants to have success and great lives, small is what we’re after! And the most pointless phrase of all times, LIFE LIFE? Really? Live life? And there I was, thinking we should, what? Jump off the bridge? Not live it? Seriously, what is the alternative we should do here? Have miserable times, dream really small and not live our lives, so we need these gems to remind us to DREAM BIG, HAVE FUN & LIVE OUR LIVES! Hooray.

Thankfully we have those people, because I do not know how I would make it without them.

Call the Pentagon. Life is solved.

***

What are your most annoying words from past year?! Leave it in the comments!