Thoughts incoming. I had a dinner this week with a large group of friends, and upon arrival I said hi to everyone, while approaching a person I’ve never met prior. A mutual friend that coordinated our dinner party went on to introduce everyone to everyone. When I came up to the new girl, he said: “This is Miranda, and she’s fucking great, you know if there’s an Alpha Female, and then there’s few steps above that, and then there’s Miranda. She is so badass, so tough, I just love her. She does not take any shit, if anything shitty ever happens, I know she would grab anyone by the balls and punch who needs to be punched and fix everything!”

So I say hi (what can you say after that kind of introduction?), and I ask my friend: “Thank you for thinking I’m so badass and so great, but did you ever actually see me grabbing anyone by the balls or punching someone that needs to be punched in order to fix anything?”. He replays: “No, but you know what I mean!”

I actually do not know what you mean.

Disclaimer, he is an amazing friend. I love him to death, and he is one of the rare men around nowadays that is a friend without having any agendas, I truly love him and I know he adores me. He is not the point, but the subject he opened.

The point is – ASSUMPTION. How do we assume? Based on what exactly? Based on our own opinions, our own experiences? Looks? Why do we assume?

Did you ever give much thought about what people think about you? Not so much the people that know you, but people that meet you for the first time? Did you ever think how they perceive you? Do you CARE?

Do you ever give much thought if the perception of you detours your life in certain ways? Do you think opinions just stay there, as a thought, or they have a power of action?

Opinions, in my opinion don’t matter too much in terms of action. What can opinions of you actually do? Not much. Perception? Perception is actually based on recognition, awareness, consciousness, realization, grasp, even knowledge, therefore I do appreciate perception to some degree. But what utterly puzzles me in life is – ASSUMPTION.

By definition, assumption is – “a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof”.

Let me repeat it. WITHOUT PROOF.

And by my definition, assumption is a mother of all fuck-ups. Just imagine how many things can go wrong because someone assumed something and acted accordingly? Without proof.

The assumption, au contraire from opinion or perception, has the absolute power of action. It can decide your complete path in life. How people perceive you on the first sight or sentence, can determine your whole future. Simply because they will decide, on their own assumption of you, if they will let you cross that bridge, give you that job, recommend you, help, or NONE OF THE ABOVE.

And if you’re one of those who is assumed better, nicer, smarter, kinder than you really are, thank the universe, because you’ll get so much more in life. Whether you try hard to be liked, or is just how your face appears to people, power to you. You solved one of the life’s greatest mysteries. Intentionally or unintentionally.

See, I’m of a different sort. You know how some people have IT factor? I joke (not really) I posses the SHIT factor. My face way always a type of face that irritated people, my movements, the way I speak, or what I say. And then there’s the height. When you’re really tall people assume you are arrogant, your nose is up in the air (well, kinda technically is closer to the sky then most people). When you’re tall, you don’t really come off to people as sweet, cute person. You are physically “in power”, and people don’t like it. It comes of as tough, mean, aggressive.

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me when they get to know me a better – O my good, you are actually very cool, sweet, kind, nice or helpful; I’d pile on a few Maserati’s in front of my house by now.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being strong. But in the same time I’d like to be what I want to be at given times. Sometimes I’m not strong, and I would most definitely not grab or punch anyone. How hard it is to go through life without having an option to be many different things, but to always be labeled by your appearance? To be sad if you need to, or to need something, or be fragile if that’s how you feel? So many times I needed help in life and when I’d ask people, no one would even hear me. They would literally not hear me, more less respond or actually help, probably thinking I’m fucking around, or doing some social experiment on them.

I hear daily: “O you don’t need anything! You are so tough and you look great and I see your Instagram (not kidding), and your life is amazing, and you’re so strong, you don’t need anything!

BUT I DO. Need something. I need plenty of things. And my life is not amazing sometimes, and you know how’d you know that? BECA– — USE I JUST TOLD YOU. How bout you actually hear me instead of assuming who I am based on my Instagram? (I can’t believe I actually wrote that sentence).

Do you ever think about the fact people want to assume, rather then listen to you, they want to look at you and have an opinion based on how your face appears to them, rather then actually listening to you?

I had so many job interviews in the last 3 years for the projects I was dying to get and was more than qualified to do. Many many of them I did not get, and the feedback behind the decision was scary at times. These were the reasons:

  1. She looks like someone that will work for us for 2 months and leave for something better
  2. She looks like someone that will stay with us for 2-3 months and find a rich husband & leave us
  3. She looks like someone…..I don’t know, she just looks like someone that is guilty of something

Another friend tells me the other day: “You are a bit intense, people do not like intense or too much energy. It threatens them.”

A third friend tells me few weeks back: “You are 6 ft tall. Why are you wearing such high heels? Are you doing it on purpose to annoy people?”

Another friend tells me: “You know everyone. Its annoying. It irritates people.”

So basically as soon as I grasp for air in the morning I aim to irritate the planet? Which is something I can totally live with, I never was one of those that had a particular need to be liked. I think that actions are more important than words or how you look or appear, and my actions created enormous amounts of happiness, favors and one of a kind business deals that changed the lives of people around me.

But when you realize your success, career, path and in a way destiny and what you’re going to achieve in life depends on a stranger’s assumption of you, isn’t that a tiny bit of a scary thought?

And is there anything you can even do about it? 

And most importantly, do we all do it?

I always think about this funny thing, how we all love famous people that look like us, the same types. Example, if the girl is very pale, blond hair, she loves Cate Blanchett. If you’re tall, curly redhair, you love Nicole Kidman. Think about your favorite actress/actor/singer. Are they exactly your type? Be honest.

Are we bound to just not like anyone that is different than us? Do we have an opinion before the person even opens their mouth?

And if we do, please let’s stop.

How we look, appear; the size, color, age, type says absolutely nothing. Let’s listen to what people actually are. Usually, it’s just the opposite than what we assume.


Miranda Vidak
Miranda Vidak

Founder & Designer of Moodytwin Inc. Disrupting the conversation about culture, identity, relationships & social issues.

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