This is one of those posts I don’t know how to begin. Usually I know how to begin, then circle around ending, until it hits me right. This one, the opposite. I know the end. Don’t know how to get you there. The end in this story? An orgasm. And I don’t know how to get you there.

But by all means, can you please somehow get there?

I don’t quite comprehend what the problem is here. I never knew there is a problem. I tend to not really discuss people’s sexual lives, unless they ask me a specific question, opinion. When I say people, I say women. Guys pretty much know how to get there. Wether it’s any quality there or just sex thats basically a gym session, I’ll leave it to them and their partners.

But women? Why do women have such issues with sex? And how long’s this been going on? I for sure did not notice, until few months ago. Everywhere I went, all the issues that appeared; smaller and insignificant, or big and friendship ending types – there was a lack of sex later discovered.

Coincidence or conspiracy? You tell me.

Is it times? Society we live in at the moment, online atrocities, attention seeking? I don’t accept that. It’s on you to succumb to those novelties or not. I don’t. I don’t “accept”, these are the times. Create your own. There are people that do not take into this. Don’t be lazy and join the mass. Resist. Reject. Find your own.

I really do think women got lost along the way somewhere here. 70 % of my female friends are not having sex. 2 years without sex? Why? Because I want to get married. Divorced. Not having sex. Why? I live in a small town, I’m afraid what people might say (ARE WE STILL ON THIS? You’re scaring me). I’m married but I have a kid now and that’s much more important, and my husband is gross. Why? He’s watching porn every night. But is he trying to have sex with you? Yes. And you say no? Yes Why do you say no? I say no because he’s gross and is watching porn. But what came first, woman? You not having sex with him because he watches porn or he’s watching porn because you’re not having sex? Catch 22. You say no. And he still does not go out to fuck someone else, he’s watching porn, and trying with you, every night. Yes. But porn. Christ! I was married but we were separate and I noticed he really doesn’t want to have sex and he was saying he’s tired all the time, so I said ok and went my way, then I figured out he was seeing someone else. It was fine? Woman, are you serious, and it’s never fine.

Where is this insanity going? Hiding your fears into – I’m waiting for marriage, I’m waiting for love? What is love exactly? How does the love manifest? How do you know or explain love? Why are you afraid of wanting someone? If you need to chose one; what would you chose – having love without lust, or lust without love? And I ask you again, what is love?

What do you remember most in your life, when you reminisce your past?

Love is all around. Your parents love you. Some of your friends love you. Your siblings love you. That’s love too. What is love? They take care of you. They do stuff for you. They help you, unconditionally. They are there for you. You feel this love.

A man is all that, too. But what a man can do, on top of all of that, none of these people above can. Now, to be straight here, I’m not talking about lame sex, between two strangers, where there’s nothing happening. You don’t need to do that. You can go to a gym instead. I’m talking about connecting with a human being. We can’t connect with a lots of people. But once in a blue moon, those few times in life that you connect with someone, and that path from recognizing the connection to the first time you touch each other and it feels right – life is worth living for those moments alone. Even if you don’t achieve too much – but having few of those in life, isn’t that worth living?

Listen to the old people. They already have been through what we’re still going through. All of the older women I talked to, they always say the same exact thing – I wish I gave a chance to more men, I wish I connected more, I wish I kissed more.

Why are you frustrating yourself, and people around you? In these situations, there are many answers you’re seeking a question to.

Did you tell me what I asked you above? What is love exactly? Define it to me? With actual words?

Now tell me what is this called: in a sea of unimportant people, random faces you see every single day, they are nameless, faceless; then someone appears, and when you see each other, the need you have for this person, regardless of circumstances – it demands of you, it militates, it almost tyrannizes you (no one said it better than Marquis De Sade).

How do you call this exactly? And what is love?

See I think that’s the problem here. Women dividing love and sex, and love is kind, and sex is lame or aggressive or power play or someone uses someone, and I think that’s bullshit. One does not cancel the other. And it’s the lame society you listen that forced you into a submission of thinking you shouldn’t enjoy sex and you should wait for that husband and love (still waiting for you to define the actual aspects of love and what does that means exactly), without experimenting, enjoying, living, tying to even figure out who you are and what you want from this world.

Love (still waiting…) is great. Should we ever define what that actually is.

But having a need for someone, isn’t that the highest form?

What was the most famous love story ever told? Which one is your favorite? Anna Karenina. Mine. Why? Isn’t that lust not love you say? See, I don’t agree. And this takes me to passion. Passion lives between love and sex. Love is calm, sweet, rewarding. Just sex is physical, it demands nothing from us. But passion is inevitable. Passion is not physical. It starts in the mind and only manifests on the body.

Why are you denying yourself that? Because maybe husband? I never ever wish you to find it, without being tyrannized with passion; and having such a need for a another human being, that having to catch a breath of air seems like its keeping you away from him/her for way too long.

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If you like my work and want to support it, buy me a cup of coffee! For more of my content, check out my publication on Medium and personal stories on Substack.

connect with me:

Miranda Vidak

Storyteller. Creative. Founder / Designer of Moodytwin Inc. Disrupting the conversation about culture, society, tv, dating, self, one op-ed at a time.

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