Women Vs. Women's Day

I already wrote about Meghan Markle and the whole Megxit scenario, or Prison Break, as endearingly labeled by Black Twitter – you can read the post here. But I also had a bit of a comeback on the subject I was planning to write about sometime soon, then I figured, it’s actually perfect for today. March 8th. The famous International Women’s Day. We all know what this day means. And the narrative is always women against something other than them. Patriarchy. Men. Society. All pretty scary stuff when you dig a little deeper in history, right?

You know what’s scarier to me? Women against women.

Call me crazy, but I think nothing of those challenging moments women went through in history so that we, women of today, can have all the freedoms they didn’t, compare to horrible things we do or say about each other. We expect men won’t always get us. We expect society won’t always be kind to us. Often, sadly, even our families. But why are we unkind to each other? Why do we see other woman’s success as our failure? Why do we envy women that have no hand in our own possible failures? And why do we hate them for sports, even if nothing in particular is lacking in our lives?

There are so many great women I know that inspire me, and uplift me every single day. I created a great little circle around me, of women that struggle with aspects of their lives every day, like we all do, but that never prevents them to be genuinely happy for my happiness, for my success, to support my projects, or be there for me when I need them. Be there for me for hours and hours when I go on my tangents. I’m so grateful for them, to the degree of not even noticing a lack of some other things I might want in life. They fulfill me. But I HANDPICKED them. It’s on you to surround yourself with inspiration, rather than envy.

But there are many, many women who downright scare me. I don’t personally know many of those, luckily, but also I developed seriously sharp radars over time to detect them quickly and block the access. Unfortunately, you see them on internet. Social media. You can’t escape them. And it’s a plague.

What happened here? What happened to us?

Why I circled back to Meghan Markle on this matter and why I wanted to come back on the subject of Megxit a bit more now that the dust settled but the uproar online intensified – is because, somehow, unwittingly, Meghan became the case study of this phenomenon. You all read about Harry and her deciding to leave the Royal Family and you all had opinions on it, and everyone and their mother, uncle, hamster and a dog had an opinion about it, very public opinions in fact. And that’s fine. World is one huge Big Brother, we don’t even fight it anymore, we all are living in a fishbowl, and Harry & Meghan occupy the number one fishbowl, the biggest one there is. Look, I’m not the one for the faint of heart, after all I endured pretty horrible media headlines and articles back when I was still playing that game; I don’t get particularly pressed when I see men writing stupid shit. Did you really expect a type of man who didn’t get laid for years, with a dead end job and the one who thinks a woman’s progression is a direct attack to his being, would support it? We’ve been there. Done that. Of course those types will have issues with a woman like Meghan Markle. Of course the likes of Piers Morgan & co will have issues with a woman like Meghan Markle. Male bonding, in real life or online often consists of the humiliation of women. We’re beyond that. That type of noise is like a fly that zooms around your face when you’re trying to sleep. You wack ‘em, and it’s gone.

It’s the women. The women and their rage, their spit flying rage in slow-motion about this woman they do not know, never have met, know nothing about is revolutionary scary to me.

It’s something that warranties a great dose of worry, what this world is coming to with uninformed opinions shared all the fucking time and constant aggressive hate that sounds more like call to arms then light gossiping. These are all comments online about Meghan. And all from women. Not bots. Real women with actual pictures, names and profiles. This is what they write TODAY, International Women’s Day, of all days:

“She’s the worst, she really is. And this image improvement this week is sickening! There to “inspire” the kids? To what? Grow up and marry a rich prince? Surely they could of found a woman of color that was a scientist or a lawyer or a doctor or a business person?”

“Once those cameras stop flashing and it’s home time with Harry, the fake smile disappears and he’s left with the bitch from hell!”

“She is terrifying. I feel bad Harry lives with this.”

“This bitch spent all week disrespecting the Queen!”

“The rain pic is totally planned and staged. Meghan is an absolute fraud!”

“Harry looks and seems so incredibly sad and withdrawn. Most especially when he’s with Meghan – when he’s alone doing stuff his old cute personality shines!”

“I hope the reunion today at the Church was to stage an intervention because Harry looks really ill! If not, the Royal Family are being held to ransom and choose to let this witch call the shots!”

“Spread this far and wide. Harry was still talking to the wheelchair veteran when Meghan dragged him away!”

“Good Lord. She is truly the most self absorbed woman! Truly terrible!”

“Truly dreadful and the sooner she is back in the USA or wherever the better it will be, she’s a complete and utter embarrassment!”

“She’s incredibly self serving! But let’s face it Meghan played this brilliantly – very goal oriented. She zeroed in on a lonely man and made his causes her causes. Played on his insecurities and reeled him in like a fish. When she realized she wasn’t the star of the story she turned the story to poor Meghan! The shine in her eye isn’t love, but the glint of gold”

Listen, I get it. People say shit. People hide behind screens and say shit. But there’s – I’m bored out of my mind playful gossipy “hate”, and then there’s raging hate. RAGE. And women are doing it. Honestly, reading it, makes me shameful to be one.

I understand I’m at the advantage here, as well as all the people that were, or are a part of a public life, we know the principle of media manipulations and how it functions. We know how small of our real lives go into the press and how much is editors inventing headlines out of contexts, and often just plain making it up. Media needs new laws and regulations, DESPERATELY. People with more fragile mental state godamn kill themselves over it, this is not a joke anymore. This needs to be stopped. We saw it with Caroline Flack few weeks ago. That woman was MAULED online, and I researched that too; it was mostly women commenting with, again, RAGE.

The concept is painfully simple. Tabloids write about people they know nothing about, they invent statements they themselves create, put them in quotations next to “source close to (insert the name of the celebrity) said”. Of course source is non-existent. People believe what’s written like the said celebrity had an actual sit down conversation with the tabloid, tape on and all, then they go online, spew hate at the person that absolutely never said the things they rage about, in few weeks you get proof the tabloid made it up; proof in the form of celebrity speaking out to clarify, or subtly in statement online or just by living their life and the observer can see that was a lie. The tabloid has no repercussions for their false story, they don’t retract, or apologize. It’s old news, but the info stays with people. Damage done.

Believing the tabloid stories about people comes down to your intelligence. Forming your opinion on someone based on anything other that you sitting across that person and having a direct conversation while this person actually tells you things, with words – means you are a very unintelligent human being. Tabloids cater to the worst of the worse in humanity, and if you’re ok to be that, by all means. Continue. Just know what you are. An amoeba, practically. You know that famous quote by Jerry Seinfeld: “People that read the tabloids deserve to be lied to”. Right there.

There was an article in The Sun the other day about Meghan’s father having a new girlfriend, and the part of the article goes –

“And sources close to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex say the pair hopes it will finally put an end to his constant interventions and criticism over the way his daughter and son-in-law live their life. An insider said: “Part of the problem with Thomas is that he has so much time on his hands. “He has a lot of time to stew, to think and to get angry. Again and again that has led to him speaking out and giving interviews which have caused a lot of upset, particularly for Megan. “She hopes now he’s got someone else in his life he will fade away and not bother her. He’s caused enough problems already.”

Check those underlines phrases again. I don’t blame the tabloids as much as I blame those who read it and take the made up bullshit further to form their opinions on it, being so painfully thick to understand this concept. How does it make sense to you, knowing that Meghan is currently SUING The Sun, how does it make sense to you that the tabloid she is suing can possibly have a close source or an insider close to her to tell them how she feels about her father’s new girlfriend? My mother didn’t know what I’m up to when I was in media, let alone some worm sitting on the news desk. Get it together people, for crying outloud.

Of course, all the comments under this article, from women of course, were: “OMG how can she say she hopes her own father fades away….” And so on. How can she SAY? Say WHERE? WHEN did she say it? To WHOM?

It’s just mindblowing shit. And it’s not just online.

I met with my girlfriend few days after Mexgit was announced and she tells me, during out catch up: “Did you see this about Meghan?”. What exactly do I need to see? I ask. She says to me: “See how she is, I knew it, she made Harry leave his family, omg this woman is such a bitch, can you even believe what she has done…” 

And I’m sitting, and looking, and thinking what had to go wrong with your life so badly that you would turn into this kind of being, this kind of woman, bitter for something you don’t even know anything about, and how am I even friends with this kind of being?

She saw I’m flabbergasted, and you know me, I also told her straight to her face she’s an idiot, it went back and forth, but you can’t really go back and forth with me for too long, I will verbally destroy your soul; she finally dropped it and asked me – “Ok so what then, do I need to like everyone, can I not have an opinion on something, on this?”. No you can’t. Why do you NEED to have an opinion? Why do you need to chose side on this, you love or you hate Meghan Markle, why do you need to even have an opinion? Since you do not know this person, you need to have no opinions at all.

See, that’s what people today have a problem with. Having a need to define, declare where they stand. Pick a side. Why do you need to pick a side? Why can’t you nor love or hate Meghan Markle and just be in this space of not knowing the actual truth, not knowing what the actual case is, not knowing what goes in Meghan & Harry’s house, not knowing why they decided to do what they decided to do? We feel like we have to be the judge and jury, that we as public are entitled to pass judgments on people, define people, put them in boxes of good or bad. It’s fucking exhausting!

My friend then asked me what I think about Meghan? And I wanted to say – she’s the best fucking thing that happened in public life in I don’t know how long, her looks and her brain is such a breath of fresh fucking air at the times where everyone is the same, looks the same, behaves the same, where I have to endure their pics on instagram with new bags new shows new vacations, where they do nothing, stand for nothing, and do no change in this world – Meghan is a breath of fresh air in every shape and form possible – but I didn’t say that, knowing my friend’s proven level of (un)intelligence wont get the message across, instead I said – “I have no opinion on this. I don’t know as much, I don’t know them, so I can’t have any opinions right now until I see more”. Key word SEE more. Not READ more.

Not just because it’s a Women’s Day today, but it might be a good start; women, please, let’s just do better. Other women are not your enemies, they are your trench buddies. Find the way to get inspired. Even if you don’t understand someone fully, find something from them, the tiniest thing that can inspire or uplift you. And the things that might annoy you, why do you need to voice them? Voice only something you know for a fact, otherwise, when you don’t like something in someone, you can just easily skip it. Life get’s so much better when you only try to squeeze an inspiration out of people. Think about it as like going to the supermarket. What do you do when you go to the supermarket? You get what you want and you don’t even notice the shit you don’t need. It’s so simple! Why don’t you do that with people too?

I have to admit, I’m not particularly crazy about let’s say Jennifer Aniston as a type of woman, but even there I try to find some things I can get inspired with. She’s 50 and doesn’t give a shit about what society or public expects from her; I appreciate that. Things I don’t feel, I leave it be. She’s not living for me and my approval, she’s living for herself, everyone has a right to exist in this fucking world and your opinion does’t matter. My opinion doesn’t matter.

As for Meghan, to finish this Women’s Day manifesto, why exactly does she drag so much hate for someone people barely even heard actually speak more than 5-6 times? Because she’s impeccable. Because she’s godamn closest to perfection in everything she does; she does not miss a step, and what’s unforgivable to people, actually women the most, she makes everything look easy. This is the part that’s the torn here. She makes everything look easy. She’s effortless while being progressive, and she gets things done. And the thing you loved about her in the beginning; that she was in her late 30’s, that she was divorced and black and American but found love with the prince, you found that inspiring in the beginning, but then it made you rage. Why did them deciding to leave the Royal Family made you so furious? I can even understand why some Brits got offended, royalists, it’s a different mindset. I get it. I don’t support it, but I can understand it.

What I don’t understand is women from other parts of the world. You could get behind this beautiful woman bagging a prince. But you could not get behind him leaving everything for her, for their family. I read the tweet that explained this phenomenon perfectly, from culture writer Soraya McDonald: “Look at Harry with this spine of steel. Singlehandedly raising the bar for every cowardly straight man who won’t stand up for his partner to his wretched relatives because it might make him uncomfortable. That’s some REAL prince shit.”

That right there. Is the key.

Harry decided something so huge, given what his life is and how he was raised. He went into it, despite making him uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? This word is too light to describe what Harry did. Harry went to WW3 for his wife and family.

You CAN NOT rage and hate just because you have a husband that can not get off the couch for you or you’re dealing with that guy that won’t respond to your texts. You have the same life, the same time, the same option as Meghan Markle did, or any other woman living to create your life the way you want your life to be. We all have the same base, same start. What will you do with yours? And if you’re not happy, how would you change it?

This woman not only has an epic husband but also a group of friends that did not drop one single word about her to the media, since she and Harry met until this day, having her back like the godamn Avengers! I’m talking about real friends, not the gross family of hers and friends she had 20 years ago that all tried to make a buck off of her. Husband and real friends. Mother.

You CAN have the life that you want. But you won’t get it by saying shit on Twitter. You won’t get it by bringing other women down. Get inspired! No one on this planet can fully understand what you’re going through than another WOMAN.

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Artwork by – Tina Braz