I already wrote about Meghan Markle and the whole Megxit scenario, or Prison Break, as endearingly labeled by Black Twitter – you can read the post here. But I also had a bit of a comeback on the subject I was planning to write about sometime soon, then I figured, it’s actually perfect for today. March 8th. The famous International Women’s Day. We all know what this day means. And the narrative is always women against something other than them. Patriarchy. Men. Society. All pretty scary stuff when you dig a little deeper in history, right?
You know what’s scarier to me? Women against women.
Call me crazy, but I think nothing of those challenging moments women went through in history so that we, women of today, can have all the freedoms they didn’t, compare to horrible things we do or say about each other. We expect men won’t always get us. We expect society won’t always be kind to us. Often, sadly, even our families. But why are we unkind to each other? Why do we see other woman’s success as our failure? Why do we envy women that have no hand in our own possible failures? And why do we hate them for sports, even if nothing in particular is lacking in our lives?
There are so many great women I know that inspire me, and uplift me every single day. I created a great little circle around me, of women that struggle with aspects of their lives every day, like we all do, but that never prevents them to be genuinely happy for my happiness, for my success, to support my projects, or be there for me when I need them. Be there for me for hours and hours when I go on my tangents. I’m so grateful for them, to the degree of not even noticing a lack of some other things I might want in life. They fulfill me. But I HANDPICKED them. It’s on you to surround yourself with inspiration, rather than envy.
But there are many, many women who downright scare me. I don’t personally know many of those, luckily, but also I developed seriously sharp radars over time to detect them quickly and block the access. Unfortunately, you see them on internet. Social media. You can’t escape them. And it’s a plague.
What happened here? What happened to us?
Why I circled back to Meghan Markle on this matter and why I wanted to come back on the subject of Megxit a bit more now that the dust settled but the uproar online intensified – is because, somehow, unwittingly, Meghan became the case study of this phenomenon. You all read about Harry and her deciding to leave the Royal Family and you all had opinions on it, and everyone and their mother, uncle, hamster and a dog had an opinion about it, very public opinions in fact. And that’s fine. World is one huge Big Brother, we don’t even fight it anymore, we all are living in a fishbowl, and Harry & Meghan occupy the number one fishbowl, the biggest one there is. Look, I’m not the one for the faint of heart, after all I endured pretty horrible media headlines and articles back when I was still playing that game; I don’t get particularly pressed when I see men writing stupid shit. Did you really expect a type of man who didn’t get laid for years, with a dead end job and the one who thinks a woman’s progression is a direct attack to his being, would support it? We’ve been there. Done that. Of course those types will have issues with a woman like Meghan Markle. Of course the likes of Piers Morgan & co will have issues with a woman like Meghan Markle. Male bonding, in real life or online often consists of the humiliation of women. We’re beyond that. That type of noise is like a fly that zooms around your face when you’re trying to sleep. You wack ‘em, and it’s gone.
It’s the women. The women and their rage, their spit flying rage in slow-motion about this woman they do not know, never have met, know nothing about is revolutionary scary to me.
It’s something that warranties a great dose of worry, what this world is coming to with uninformed opinions shared all the fucking time and constant aggressive hate that sounds more like call to arms then light gossiping. These are all comments online about Meghan. And all from women. Not bots. Real women with actual pictures, names and profiles. This is what they write TODAY, International Women’s Day, of all days:
“She’s the worst, she really is. And this image improvement this week is sickening! There to “inspire” the kids? To what? Grow up and marry a rich prince? Surely they could of found a woman of color that was a scientist or a lawyer or a doctor or a business person?”
“Once those cameras stop flashing and it’s home time with Harry, the fake smile disappears and he’s left with the bitch from hell!”
“She is terrifying. I feel bad Harry lives with this.”
“This bitch spent all week disrespecting the Queen!”
“The rain pic is totally planned and staged. Meghan is an absolute fraud!”
“Harry looks and seems so incredibly sad and withdrawn. Most especially when he’s with Meghan – when he’s alone doing stuff his old cute personality shines!”
“I hope the reunion today at the Church was to stage an intervention because Harry looks really ill! If not, the Royal Family are being held to ransom and choose to let this witch call the shots!”
“Spread this far and wide. Harry was still talking to the wheelchair veteran when Meghan dragged him away!”
“Good Lord. She is truly the most self absorbed woman! Truly terrible!”
“Truly dreadful and the sooner she is back in the USA or wherever the better it will be, she’s a complete and utter embarrassment!”
“She’s incredibly self serving! But let’s face it Meghan played this brilliantly – very goal oriented. She zeroed in on a lonely man and made his causes her causes. Played on his insecurities and reeled him in like a fish. When she realized she wasn’t the star of the story she turned the story to poor Meghan! The shine in her eye isn’t love, but the glint of gold”
Listen, I get it. People say shit. People hide behind screens and say shit. But there’s – I’m bored out of my mind playful gossipy “hate”, and then there’s raging hate. RAGE. And women are doing it. Honestly, reading it, makes me shameful to be one.
I understand I’m at the advantage here, as well as all the people that were, or are a part of a public life, we know the principle of media manipulations and how it functions. We know how small of our real lives go into the press and how much is editors inventing headlines out of contexts, and often just plain making it up. Media needs new laws and regulations, DESPERATELY. People with more fragile mental state godamn kill themselves over it, this is not a joke anymore. This needs to be stopped. We saw it with Caroline Flack few weeks ago. That woman was MAULED online, and I researched that too; it was mostly women commenting with, again, RAGE.
The concept is painfully simple. Tabloids write about people they know nothing about, they invent statements they themselves create, put them in quotations next to “source close to (insert the name of the celebrity) said”. Of course source is non-existent. People believe what’s written like the said celebrity had an actual sit down conversation with the tabloid, tape on and all, then they go online, spew hate at the person that absolutely never said the things they rage about, in few weeks you get proof the tabloid made it up; proof in the form of celebrity speaking out to clarify, or subtly in statement online or just by living their life and the observer can see that was a lie. The tabloid has no repercussions for their false story, they don’t retract, or apologize. It’s old news, but the info stays with people. Damage done.
Believing the tabloid stories about people comes down to your intelligence. Forming your opinion on someone based on anything other that you sitting across that person and having a direct conversation while this person actually tells you things, with words – means you are a very unintelligent human being. Tabloids cater to the worst of the worse in humanity, and if you’re ok to be that, by all means. Continue. Just know what you are. An amoeba, practically. You know that famous quote by Jerry Seinfeld: “People that read the tabloids deserve to be lied to”. Right there.
There was an article in The Sun the other day about Meghan’s father having a new girlfriend, and the part of the article goes –
“And sources close to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex say the pair hopes it will finally put an end to his constant interventions and criticism over the way his daughter and son-in-law live their life. An insider said: “Part of the problem with Thomas is that he has so much time on his hands. “He has a lot of time to stew, to think and to get angry. Again and again that has led to him speaking out and giving interviews which have caused a lot of upset, particularly for Megan. “She hopes now he’s got someone else in his life he will fade away and not bother her. He’s caused enough problems already.”
Check those underlines phrases again. I don’t blame the tabloids as much as I blame those who read it and take the made up bullshit further to form their opinions on it, being so painfully thick to understand this concept. How does it make sense to you, knowing that Meghan is currently SUING The Sun, how does it make sense to you that the tabloid she is suing can possibly have a close source or an insider close to her to tell them how she feels about her father’s new girlfriend? My mother didn’t know what I’m up to when I was in media, let alone some worm sitting on the news desk. Get it together people, for crying outloud.
Of course, all the comments under this article, from women of course, were: “OMG how can she say she hopes her own father fades away….” And so on. How can she SAY? Say WHERE? WHEN did she say it? To WHOM?
It’s just mindblowing shit. And it’s not just online.
I met with my girlfriend few days after Mexgit was announced and she tells me, during out catch up: “Did you see this about Meghan?”. What exactly do I need to see? I ask. She says to me: “See how she is, I knew it, she made Harry leave his family, omg this woman is such a bitch, can you even believe what she has done…”
And I’m sitting, and looking, and thinking what had to go wrong with your life so badly that you would turn into this kind of being, this kind of woman, bitter for something you don’t even know anything about, and how am I even friends with this kind of being?
She saw I’m flabbergasted, and you know me, I also told her straight to her face she’s an idiot, it went back and forth, but you can’t really go back and forth with me for too long, I will verbally destroy your soul; she finally dropped it and asked me – “Ok so what then, do I need to like everyone, can I not have an opinion on something, on this?”. No you can’t. Why do you NEED to have an opinion? Why do you need to chose side on this, you love or you hate Meghan Markle, why do you need to even have an opinion? Since you do not know this person, you need to have no opinions at all.
See, that’s what people today have a problem with. Having a need to define, declare where they stand. Pick a side. Why do you need to pick a side? Why can’t you nor love or hate Meghan Markle and just be in this space of not knowing the actual truth, not knowing what the actual case is, not knowing what goes in Meghan & Harry’s house, not knowing why they decided to do what they decided to do? We feel like we have to be the judge and jury, that we as public are entitled to pass judgments on people, define people, put them in boxes of good or bad. It’s fucking exhausting!
My friend then asked me what I think about Meghan? And I wanted to say – she’s the best fucking thing that happened in public life in I don’t know how long, her looks and her brain is such a breath of fresh fucking air at the times where everyone is the same, looks the same, behaves the same, where I have to endure their pics on instagram with new bags new shows new vacations, where they do nothing, stand for nothing, and do no change in this world – Meghan is a breath of fresh air in every shape and form possible – but I didn’t say that, knowing my friend’s proven level of (un)intelligence wont get the message across, instead I said – “I have no opinion on this. I don’t know as much, I don’t know them, so I can’t have any opinions right now until I see more”. Key word SEE more. Not READ more.
Not just because it’s a Women’s Day today, but it might be a good start; women, please, let’s just do better. Other women are not your enemies, they are your trench buddies. Find the way to get inspired. Even if you don’t understand someone fully, find something from them, the tiniest thing that can inspire or uplift you. And the things that might annoy you, why do you need to voice them? Voice only something you know for a fact, otherwise, when you don’t like something in someone, you can just easily skip it. Life get’s so much better when you only try to squeeze an inspiration out of people. Think about it as like going to the supermarket. What do you do when you go to the supermarket? You get what you want and you don’t even notice the shit you don’t need. It’s so simple! Why don’t you do that with people too?
I have to admit, I’m not particularly crazy about let’s say Jennifer Aniston as a type of woman, but even there I try to find some things I can get inspired with. She’s 50 and doesn’t give a shit about what society or public expects from her; I appreciate that. Things I don’t feel, I leave it be. She’s not living for me and my approval, she’s living for herself, everyone has a right to exist in this fucking world and your opinion does’t matter. My opinion doesn’t matter.
As for Meghan, to finish this Women’s Day manifesto, why exactly does she drag so much hate for someone people barely even heard actually speak more than 5-6 times? Because she’s impeccable. Because she’s godamn closest to perfection in everything she does; she does not miss a step, and what’s unforgivable to people, actually women the most, she makes everything look easy. This is the part that’s the torn here. She makes everything look easy. She’s effortless while being progressive, and she gets things done. And the thing you loved about her in the beginning; that she was in her late 30’s, that she was divorced and black and American but found love with the prince, you found that inspiring in the beginning, but then it made you rage. Why did them deciding to leave the Royal Family made you so furious? I can even understand why some Brits got offended, royalists, it’s a different mindset. I get it. I don’t support it, but I can understand it.
What I don’t understand is women from other parts of the world. You could get behind this beautiful woman bagging a prince. But you could not get behind him leaving everything for her, for their family. I read the tweet that explained this phenomenon perfectly, from culture writer Soraya McDonald: “Look at Harry with this spine of steel. Singlehandedly raising the bar for every cowardly straight man who won’t stand up for his partner to his wretched relatives because it might make him uncomfortable. That’s some REAL prince shit.”
That right there. Is the key.
Harry decided something so huge, given what his life is and how he was raised. He went into it, despite making him uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? This word is too light to describe what Harry did. Harry went to WW3 for his wife and family.
You CAN NOT rage and hate just because you have a husband that can not get off the couch for you or you’re dealing with that guy that won’t respond to your texts. You have the same life, the same time, the same option as Meghan Markle did, or any other woman living to create your life the way you want your life to be. We all have the same base, same start. What will you do with yours? And if you’re not happy, how would you change it?
This woman not only has an epic husband but also a group of friends that did not drop one single word about her to the media, since she and Harry met until this day, having her back like the godamn Avengers! I’m talking about real friends, not the gross family of hers and friends she had 20 years ago that all tried to make a buck off of her. Husband and real friends. Mother.
You CAN have the life that you want. But you won’t get it by saying shit on Twitter. You won’t get it by bringing other women down. Get inspired! No one on this planet can fully understand what you’re going through than another WOMAN.
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Artwork by – Tina Braz
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Miranda Vidak
Founder & Designer of Moodytwin. Disrupting a conversation about identity, career, culture, relationships and self-care.
Thank you!
You’re welcome Kathern! Glad you like the article 😉
Beautiful?
Awesome article! Love it!
Thank you so much Katherine!
The Best I’ve read in a long time. Congrats
Thanks Irma! Glad you liked it!
Hi there Miranda!
I seldom comment about stuff on social media, especially when it comes to MM. I love her, yet I don’t even know her, and probably will never meet her. I fell in love with her after I found out what kind of child she already was, the letter she wrote to P&G and to the FLOTUS at the time because of the sexism in the commercial. She would never go wrong in my book, cause like everybody else, she is evolving… She is trying to figure things out too, as a human being, a daughter, a woman, a wife, and a mother. People who lash at her hate themselves and their sorry ass life first, before they can hate somebody they don’t even know. Pascal Lissouba, a former President of the Congo Republic once said “On ne jette des pierres qu’à un arbre qui porte des fruits” meaning “You can only throw stones at trees that carry (produce) fruits.” It is a fact of life. While MM walks in her Destiny with her head held high, those who are still trying to figure out why they are on Earth in the first place will of course vilify her. It is very sad to see the viciousness unfold in this manner about a young woman who is only fulfilling her calling in the Universe. I am glad you singled out that so called Pierce Morgan. He is the biggest WITCH of the them all.
Team MM & PH
P.S. Somebody had to point out this Women vs. Women’s hate. I am glad you did! It is J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y, pure and simple. They all wish it was them and not Brilliant-Fabulous-Fantastic & Fierce MM
Hi Hortense! Happy you liked my article! Yes, the misplaced hate towards MM is insane and its ENOUGH of this nonsense and hate and time to let this woman live her life and do what she wants to with her life and her family, especially since all she does is try to highlight the important causes this world and society desperately needs more and more of! And women on women hate, that’s just plain sad and i hope we move out of that ugly space! Thanks for reading once more! x
Wish you had written this or something similar during the time Meghan faced the relentless onslaught of the British media and the loud silence of the Royal family. Who knows it might have inspired some people, esp women, to voice their support for the Sussexes.
Hi Jess! I did! Not before Megxit, but that time in particular was just too much how much hate from women it generated. Check my article on it – https://mirandavidak.com/2020/02/16/a-love-story/
Thank you for this wonderful article and standing with women!
So sweet of you, thank you!
Hello! I’m a fan of MM and I love her! Your article is wonderfully done. You said all the things that I wanted to say to all those women who hate MM. Sometimes it felt like ignorance can cause hate and rage. Those women who hates MM, I don’t know where their hate is coming from? Maybe because MM did what they didn’t do with their life. MM have what they don’t have. I saw a quote on International Women’s Day it said, “empowered women empower women” where does the haters belong? That only shows that a lot of women who hates MM, hate themselves. More power to you. More power to intelligent, bright woman out there. Let’s lift everyone up!
Those women belong nowhere I’m afraid! It’s sad really, we can do so much more united than resenting each other! Thank you so much for your kind words! x
Very true, I don’t get it. I have to say I feel maybe I’m different because I’m a gay woman. I’ve had to work at management levels with men and women. I prefer men any day. Not because all are horrid, but because of a few competitive twits that ruin it and the folllowers so willing to join the Mean Team! No thanks, I’d rather work in isolation. I am rather simple as far as needs go. I’m gay, don’t need to compete, don’t need a gaggle of friends to keep me company.
I’m not perfect, but Damn I feel like I’m alone on an island watching how other women treat each other. Maybe it’s learned? Maybe it’s the competitive thing to have to get a man by putting someone else down. Whatever it is …it’s disgusting. We are all guilty of judging, but reassess reality.
Why do people want Meghan to fail? Why do people want Kate to shine or take it out on her for the online behavior of so called Kate fans?
I really like Meghan, don’t know her, but she is inspiring. He husband Harry, so honorable that if I was staight, he’d be my type.
I wish them well and honestly, they don’t need it. They are intelligent, compassionate and a great team from what I can see.
I hope the rest of that family can be happy as well. If they are not, I hope they change their circumstances.
Let’s just give it a rest, evaluate our own behavior. Block what rages us, be kind and support each other. Or stay out of it.
I would not want any of these royals or even celebrities lives. I enjoy my privacy and peace of mind too much. Let’s do our part, I’ll do mine, blessings and thank you for this honest article.
Thank yo so much for your message! You rock! x
Great Article! but Just so you know the word ” megxit” was created by racists online who wanted to see brexit happen. So people who use it are actually enabling and helping with the hate that Meghan has been subjected to.
I know I know, I use it with a sarcastic connotation, plus i wanted it in keyword so those ignorant fools find this article of support! Glad you like the article! x
Jackie Dempere
Read Women v. Women and your Valentine on Meghan and Harry. Both very satisfying and profound. The type of writing that keeps on giving. I became an M&J fan after they met. I admire both and when the hounding began I hurt for Meghan. Harry was just a nice handsome guy then but his defense of her made him a hero. I wish them the best.
Thank you for being such a good writer. I know it takes dedication and work.
Brilliant article. I love MM and she inspires me so much. I’ve chatted her life journey and Omg What an incredible woman she is. She’s done so much, a great humanitarian whose devoted so much to help causes around the world. Being a Brit myself I can say the problem with the royal family is jealousy and the haters is pure jealousy. Diana’s bodyguard ken wharf spoke succinctly about this. The royal family hate it when anyone who isn’t an immediate heir becomes too popular. Meghan came on the scene and dominated world headlines. There was a video where she went out with the queen and people were literally chanting her name so loudly, a man gave flowers and one of the bodyguards took it thinking it was for the queen, the guy said NO please give it to Meghan not the queen. Scenes like this evoke jealousy and hate. Diana spoke about it that her popularity was a big problem for the royal family. They saw Meghan was too popular so they colluded with the press to harass, vilify and dehumanise her. It was all a plot. How dare you be popular than the immediate heirs. Prior to Meghan joining the royal family, kensingtonroyals Instagram had 2.8 million followers, when Meghan joined, it jumped to 7.2 million followers. She and Harry opened their own Instagram and made it in the Guinness book of records. Do you think the royals will be happy with such popularity that eclipses them? They worked with the media to vilify her and make the gullible tabloid readers hate her. But I’m her number one fun.Shes incredible and inspires me everyday. A fantastic role model for every daughter, woman, girl and child. She lives by her principles. Meghan said at age 11 when she wrote that letter to change the advert, that if you’re not happy about something speak up, change it. And she changed the royal life she wasn’t happy about. She’s exemplary to every woman living today. Kudos Meghan, sane women adore you, we don’t hate, we love progressive women.