There’s something poignant about the first half of September. More like melancholy interrupted with flashes of euphoria, thrill. Last week of August and the first two weeks of September is a time continuum where everything crucial happens to you. Moving cities, countries, switching jobs, mindsets and views on life; and casually meeting the sort of people, unaware at the time, that you’ll reference in years to come.

It’s the limbo between the repetitive present and the excitement of what might be, the crossroad of the possibility and responsibility. Don’t sweat it or try to catch it, you won’t enjoy it while it’s happening. It always sneaks up on you, you won’t be aware of it until it passes. But the change it evokes in you, ah, it’s priceless. It creates the titanium based platform, a base of what you’re about to become.

I’ll let you discover what those were for you, in silence.

Silence has been my thematic last two months. As you noticed, I was absent from these pages too. I was wondering what would make me do a comeback to a written word after all this time. Not for the lack of subjects to cover, we’re all aware the world is currently batshit crazy; there are no lack of subjects, there are too many. Every single day. Something. The opinions. From people that make me wonder how they survive through the day, but they have lil opinions.

The saturation of opinions made me have none. For someone that writes about society and culture, it made me go to the other extreme. I positively couldn’t take it anymore.

I heard someone said the other day: “We came out of this pandemic extra petty, with nothing but time” – and that hit home. Last year’s opinion sharing Olympics totally make sense; lockdown and fear of the unknown, people sitting at their computers for the lack of social life and life in general, with nothing to do but “research” and bullshit all day. Having opinions about everything you have or haven’t got any knowledge of made sense; it was our way of pretending to have control in a very uncertain time we couldn’t control. But I was really hoping it would stop when things got back to somewhat normal, and we got out of the house.

It didn’t.

Extra petty, and still nothing but time. We all know everything about the virus, the vaccine, the chip, China, racism, BLM (my favorite opinions then were the kind – “come on people lets just all love each other, I see no color, it’s easy, no need to loot” – that usually came from blonde ex-waitress that married rich and single handedly solved racism, what 20 generations couldn’t), then we knew everything about the Elections, Pakistan, Britney, Euro 2020, Afghanistan – We. Know. It. All. And we’re not stopping. Why aren’t we stopping?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to speak out. That’s how we put change in motion. But why do you have to give opinion of every single subject, event, issue? You can not know it all. Is this some kind of psychosis we’re dealing with? The post-pandemic pandemic of opinions?

After the lockdowns ended, I was, like we all were, so psyched to get out and get wild. The beginning of my 2021 was riddled with draining family issues and multiple surgeries. Then it was a recovery. Then it was therapy. I could not wait to come back to New York and go wild. I planned my summer to the T. Beaches, boats, concerts, rooftops. I was everywhere, morning, afternoon, night. I slept 3-4 hours and again and again and again. I met so many people I thought I have so much to learn from, and then BOOM, July happened and something just switched.

I was in a desperate need of silence. I couldn’t take people’s energies anymore. Everyone I knew was dimming my light in order to expand theirs. I thought about this phenomenon of post pandemic where one could not seem to claim their space, unless he or she steals it from someone else. Me. Is that what I need to adjust to? Everywhere I turned I saw desperation; for attention, for clout, for opposite sex, for an event, an invitation, a weekend here or there. I have never experienced being more worn out than after socializing with people.

We went from nothingness to hysterics.

I locked myself in the house, and literally hanged out with MYSELF. I would spend 3-4 hours in the park by myself, I would run, walk, look at things, no music no pods, I would notice things I never noticed before, I would walk around by myself, sit by myself, ran into the concert or performance or an exhibition by myself. I had time to write, watch, listen, and most importantly HEAR myself.

I won’t bother you with the details of my self-discoveries, I will only tell you that as soon as I decided to spend time with myself, in the silence, where I could finally hear my own thoughts – I finally figured out what my purpose in this life is and how to get there.

On Sunday, at the Emmy’s, Michaela Coel of House of Supreme Awesomeness gave her acceptance speech for her win for “I May Destroy You”. Everyone and their mother, dog and hamster shared it on social media. Which only tells me many more people than I thought are on the same – silence and solitude path – than just me. Her speech spoke what I think is the only thing that will save us from this lunacy that’s not the virus, but us, we, one by one:

“In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to in turn feel the need to be constantly visible, for visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success—do not be afraid to disappear. From it. From us. For a while. And see what comes to you in the silence.”

Do we even have to break it down?

“Visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success”. You don’t have to be visible to matter. You don’t have to post your opinions on Instagram about the subject you have no clue about to feel seen, important. You can totally just chill and scroll around and not let the sound out. Absolutely nothing will happen if you don’t weigh in. Go about your fucking day.

“Do not be afraid to disappear. From it. From us. For a while. And see what comes to you in the silence.” Remove yourself. Nothing comes out of noise; no realization, no meaning. Always being present and plugged in, the FOMO, trying to make up for the year we lost, nothing good comes out of it but – us, we came out of it, “extra petty”, hysterical, aggressive, mean while claiming others are that to us.

Michaela’s silence speech made me come out of mine. Hence, I’m here. I no longer have to be present everywhere, experience everything, opine on all of it. My removal from it and my silence rewarded me with a September elated, it wasn’t even all that real, but almost a bit of magic.

Open your eyes. The answer is probably not where you’re looking. It’s right next to it.