In all honesty, I did not want to add to the Depp vs. Heard conversation. I kept resisting as much as I could. You could tell by how many times you asked me about it, and you’re only reading it now.

My thoughts were; what can one possibly add to it? Everyone and their mother, dog, and parrot shared their two cents. I stay silent on many things these days. There are so many opinions about everything, we can’t even get to the really good ones, how over-saturated the opinion market is.

I was totally ok to pass on this, but the aftermath of this trial is even more troublesome than the actual event we witnessed for 6 weeks. It’s been 2 weeks and change since the verdict, and this thing grew troubling legs. Amber’s appalling interview on Friday. Creating agendas out of this unfortunate relationship.

Instead of this just being their story, it became an agenda for idiots on each side. The right-wing now claims Johnny as its hero, claiming he single-handedly ended (well, we saw plenty of hands on that stand) the #MeToo movement, and he’s now a poster boy for white male oppression; I totally get it, it was an about time someone really started a conversation about all the struggles plaguing white males around the world.

The other side is equally laughable; the hysterics camouflaged in worry about how Amber now ruined it for all the actual victims of domestic abuse, like it’s hard to see the difference between an actual victim and an antagonizer.

We should totally be able to hear about something, have an opinion, realize we are just bystanders looking in, learn something out of it, and go our merry way.

Why are we creating agendas? Why are we appropriating this unfortunate relationship?

Amber’s first mistake was not understanding who she is dealing with. Mediocre, but unbelievably confident about nothing, like most Millennials; don’t get insulted if you are a Millennial, of course there are great ones, but overall there is no other generation that has as many of its members thinking they deserve to be known, famous, notorious, successful, rich, but without an actual effort or talent required to get there.

They think some lazy, mediocre attempt of an effort will get you big things. It’s almost insulting.

I want to be honest with you, I’m not smoking Johnny Depp as the rest of ya’ll. Yes, he was the most beautiful thing to walk his earth in his best days. Yes, we all devoured 21 Jump Street and thought, how can that face be real? He was sexy and beautiful and charming, all at the same time.

I then got older, and I wound offense in Johnny’s ways.

I first started having “trouble” with Johnny after his involvement in River Phoenix’s death. I’m a 90’s child, back then, his death was the equivalent of Harry Styles dying now. He was that talented and loved.

All the people involved in it in 1993. did not expect people would be researching it, in decades to come. Their arrogance in covering this up is astounding. And Johnny is at the forefront of it.

I don’t have much space to get into all the details here, but if you are interested in one of the most puzzling deaths in Hollywood, you should check out the legendary article by Jessica Dune — “The Curious Death of River Phoenix”, where she clocked in 8 months worth of research into all the details that led to his death. It’s a mind-blowing read.

In short, River Phoenix was a superstar in the ’90s. Nominated for Oscar at only 18 years old, remember how you all love and admire Leo Di Caprio? And Leo fangirled only one person, in his own words — River Phoenix. Leo would not have his career today if River lived. All his roles planned or written for River, went to Leo, after his death.

Basketball Diaries were written for River, Total Eclipse was offered to River, and James Cameron said — Titanic was written for River. Or in the words of Jessica Dune“River Phoenix? Made DiCaprio look like a damn dictionary.” Check out the River Phoenix theory, in regards to Leo’s career today.

Not to mention Brad Pitt, who snapped up roles meant for River left and right (Legends of the FallInterview with a Vampire).

You get the scope.

River Phoenix died in front of the Viper Room, a club owned by Johnny Depp. He was invited to come to play on stage with Johnny, his band P, some guys from Tom Petty’s band, Flea and John Frusciante of Red Hot Chili Peppers. He came down to Viper Room with his guitar, got on stage, where Johnny Depp told him to “get off the stage” because the stage was “too crowded”. By the account of many people there that night, Depp didn’t want him to perform because River “would get all the attention”.

What happens next is the most puzzling story of my entire existence: River got down the stage pissed off for having to come for nothing, he sat in his booth when John Frusciante, a guitarist of Chili Peppers came up to him with a Dixie Cup with 8 x the lethal dose of speedball (mix of liquid cocaine and heroin) and told him — “down this, it will calm you down”. Not taste, not sip, but DOWN THIS. The 8 times the lethal dose.

Who sent the cup to River Phoenix? Who gave it to John Frusciante and told him to give it to River? A billion-dollar question, that is not waning for nearly 30 years.

Johnny Depp says he has nothing to do with River’s death. Many claim he does. Even Rolling Stone magazine asked him about being the person that sent a Dixie cup with 8 times the lethal dose of speedball to River, through a godamn John Frusciante.

Did you ever hear anyone overdose with friends and family next to them?

People overdose because they were doing drugs alone and there was no one around them to call 911. River was in Viper with Johnny, Flea, and John Frusciante of Chili Peppers, his sister Rain, brother Joaquin Phoenix, and girlfriend Samantha Mathis. When they saw him convulsing on the floor, after THEY handed him the 8 x lethal dose of speedball, instead of calling 911 or taking him to the Cedar Sinai hospital that was literally down the road from the Viper Room, Johnny got bouncers to throw River out of the club to be convulsing on the dirty street outside, like a dog. Liability? Jealousy?

The night he died, outside Johnny Depp’s club, the paparazzi that saw the whole thing claimed no one called 911. His sister Rain was on top of him, and Joaquin did nothing. It took him 7 minutes to call 911 from a nearby liquor store and only did so because the paparazzi kept yelling at Joaquin: “He’s dying, you gotta call 911”.

He finally did, but kept lying to the paramedics River didn’t take any drugs, was actually having a seizure, and he was epileptic. For all of you Joaquin lovers, the paparazzi went on record confirming this. The video is chilling.

There are many articles, videos, testimonies, and books published over the last 3 decades published with people saying what they saw that night.

Everyone covered it up.

Johnny never got fined for having drugs openly circulate in his club or for having two minors, Rain and Joaquin Phoenix, under age, in Viper Room. All of the parties involved shared the same layer, John Frusciante was never arrested or held responsible for River’s death, Rain Phoenix got the job as a backup singer for the Chili Peppers and Johnny kept claiming he had no clue what was happening in the club.

Rain and Joaquin flew to Florida that night so they could not be questioned by police. No reports are filed. River’s family asked for no investigation.

They all painted River a junkie (his autopsy report shows no signs of prior drug use, not even weed) and never spoke about him until Joaquin needed to campaign for his Oscar and dared to quote his brother on stage after waiting 7 minutes to call 911, to save his life.

This was a lot, I know. I have been waiting for a long time to unload this.

Let’s say there were all young, drugged up and this was an unfortunate mistake? Could you at least respect River’s legacy and finally say what happened that night, 30 years and counting?

Fucking. Just. Tell. Us.

You did not know about this, I know.

You also did not know about Anthony Fox. He was Johnny’s partner in Viper Room and slapped him with a lawsuit alleging Johnny had conspired to divert millions in profits from The Viper Room.

Per the Radar Online “in a preliminary ruling early in 2003, a judge indicated Fox would prevail in the case. But Fox went missing shortly before he was scheduled to testify against Depp. Also missing were his pickup truck and .38-caliber revolver. His body has never been found.”

Disclosure: If I disappear after this article is published, please go look for me in the California desert.

Why did I tell you all this?

To show you I dislike how Johnny Depp does things and what he gets involved in. I could hate him for something personal that means to me and be biased in his trial with Amber. I can say, he probably abused her, look what he has a history of maybe, possibly doing.

I gotta be honest with you, when I first heard about this whole mess between Amber and Johnny, I thought — finally, karma’s gonna getcha; but as much as I wanted him to get confronted about something, looking at more and more facts, I could not in my right mind conclude he abused her.

This world is currently dubious because we don’t really think anymore. We just insert our opinions into every situation we hear about, and instead of basing our opinion on research or logic, we base it on our own emotions or feelings. And oftentimes, on our subjective experiences.

I could wish Johnny is an abuser so someone takes him down for not calling 911 for River, but I worked on myself mega hard, like Johnny’s mega cup of wine; and the facts can not be twisted just because I have some emotions. Or anyone else.

Johnny Depp is an icon. Even with all the things I said he might have done; he is an icon. A Gen X icon, the generation that actually knows how to get shit done. The Generation you should be afraid of. We don’t do things halfway. We didn’t have the treatments or medications for mental health you have now, we had to raw-dog mental health, and learn how to cope with it ourselves. We had Boomers for parents for crying out loud, and if that alone is not enough; we were left to our own devices which makes us fucking animals, and survivors.

The reason why we just watched 6 years of a shitshow and 6 weeks of a trial is because Amber Heard thought she could actually take him.

Mediocrity is always the loudest.

Johnny Depp is an icon. And he dated all icons. Amber Heard wanted to be an icon. She wanted to be associated with something she’s not, of another more icon-like time. It’s rare nowadays, that level of iconry (I know it’s not a word, humor me here, I like the sound) can only be seen today in the likes of Harry Styles, Zendaya, or Timothee Chalamet, per se.

She wanted to be put in the same sentence with Kate Moss and Winona Ryder.

When you can’t reach a level of icon-like existence, by talent or charm or both, a good way is to try to be notorious because of something. Insert a lazy, mediocre Millennial, and a half-assed attempt at it.

Remember Jussie Smollett, a gay and black actor on Empire that paid his two black friends to pretend beat him and put a noose around his neck, so he can claim sexual and racial violence, after which he got on stage at Troubadour and said to the audience, and I quote — “I’m like gay Tupac!”

These clowns can not even properly organize a hoax! If you’re trying to scam your way to notoriousness, please just put some effort into it. Plan it right. Invest some time and actual brain power into it. Spend real money. Do not hire your black friends for the racial hoax and pay them a measly $3500 each. Of course they ratted you out.

This clown literally thought he can just walk around his hood a few laps, buy a sandwich in Subway (the sandwich survived the “assault” in hands, mind you), pay his friends peanuts to rough him up a bit, and sail his way into Tupac level of legend?

I’m insulted by how lazy these people are.

Someone said online the other day that the women saw through Amber’s lies first. Well, it’s hard for a woman to fool other women. Men usually believe loads of crap.

The first sign of Amber not really being a victim here but a seeker of icon status was her op-ed, where she didn’t call herself a victim of abuse, but a “public figure representing abuse”.

Like another case of a lazy Millennial, she thought she can send a few pics in, rough herself a bit, file a restraining order, call TMZ, publish an op-ed, hop on the #MeToo train, and voila — the icon is born. A public figure representing abuse, and also a Mother Theresa who gave all her divorce settlement money to charity, and made sure you know about it.

It’s so lazy it’s making me ill.

Johnny was sleeping for a long time. Boozing and doing drugs at 28 years old while bar hopping on Sunset while looking like God is a bit different than at 55. The shit you put in your body catches up with you. People who do loads of drugs and drink a lot think it all goes somewhere out of your body, once you ingest it. It doesn’t. It stays and piles up.

He was boozing and sleeping, both figuratively and literally. I was a bit surprised he let her get away with it for as long as he did, being who he is. She was running around claiming abuse while collecting icon points, and he was just taking it. Half asleep. His self-loathing and apathy are what got him to this point.

But since Johnny actually belongs to an actual icon sort, he remembered who he is, what he can do, and he blossomed from a boozy fucked up drunk to a charming motherfucker you saw on the stand for 6 weeks.

That was pure artistry, what he did there.

He understood, in order to get his truth across, he needs to tell THE WHOLE truth, for once in his entire fucking life. The ugliest parts of it. And in some strange way, I didn’t hate it.

After decades of bullshitting, presenting to the public something much lighter than his actual dark persona, this motherfucker finally told some truths.

I hate drunks and people who are incoherent, loopy, messy; but this was somehow groundbreaking for me, the fact he just owned all his issues, and problems. I’m messy but I’m also charming — I think it’s the only time in his life he actually showed all of what he is.

“Yes I did assault a couple of cabinets” — was a poignant but powerful breaking point for me. I was a mess, yes, but I did not assault her, I did, though, some cabinets.

Which usually is a sign he’s trying to slam everything around, and express his frustration on objects around, and not the person. If he was a domestic abuser, there is no way he would be slamming cabinets for 15 minutes, and not strike her.

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This article is originally published on Medium. Head there to read it in full.