This summer of 2022. clearly decided we are not going to have some light, easy, sexy fun. Instead, the pandemic hangover decided to land right here, now. You’re going to feel all the feels. Everything. You know that feeling you weren’t even scheduled to feel? You’ll feel that too.

Everything everyone kept at the bottom of the barrel, didn’t come out during the lockdown; it came out now. And it picked the summer for its landing. “How can you feel bad with all that sea and the sun around you?” – they ask. People that haven’t been born on the coast think the sea is the answer to everything; don’t get me wrong, it absolutely is. Except when you feel shitty; in that case, the sun and the sea will heighten your blues 16 times more. It will destroy your soul.

Solution?

Don’t fight it. Stay in that space. You feel sad? Feel it. You feel betrayed? Don’t try to outrun it or make sense of it. Stay in that space. Feel it fully. Go through all the motions. It’s your fuel for later. Store it somewhere, it’s a layer of many other struggles still to come, forming your armor of strength.

No one’s doing well now. Some people are aware of it, some aren’t. Some people are trying to get through its motions, and some are ignoring it, thinking they’re fine, all while being cruel to others. They don’t see the difference in their behaviors. They will probably blame you for it.

Take that too.

On top of these people, you will get across some other people. The ones you’ll try to tell about your hurt. You’ll tell them you aren’t doing well. Maybe you’ll ask them for advice, or just a kind ear.

Many of these people will tell you you’re weak, sensitive, too vulnerable. There are so many miserable people this pandemic hangover spat out, just going through the motions of life; thinking they have it all figured out. Their life might look stable on the outside (good jobs, husband/wife, kids, money), but they are pure chaos on the inside.

No one that is truly happy with themselves wouldn’t call you out for being “sensitive”. They are jealous. Trust me. They have no balls for owning any hurt, let alone live to tell it.

Ballsy is saying, I feel shit. He hurt me. She fucked me over. I’m suffering. I miss everything about him. She let me down.

I’M HURT.

Taking things personally, being sensitive, vulnerable; that’s not your weakness.

It’s actually your super-power.

How so?

Watch this amazing TED talk on the subject.

I’ll break it down for you.

Being vulnerable is actually connecting with another human being. And connection is why we’re on this planet. Vulnerability is a struggle with our worthiness BUT also a birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, love. And you can’t selectively numb feelings. When you numb hard feelings and vulnerability; you numb joy, gratitude, and happiness, too. And you do not want to numb those. Or any!

Vulnerability is the key to freedom.

And when you feel vulnerable, you can embrace it, say it, share it, be authentic and real; or you can swallow it inside and blame others.

Do you know what’s the definition of BLAME? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

A WAY TO DISCHARGE PAIN AND DISCOMFORT.

I’m very strong. Sometimes even arrogant. Often time, I’m honest and direct to the discomfort of others. I also hurt. I hurt rare, but when I do, it’s the Fourth of July fireworks type of hurt. I’m also a Sagittarius, so you won’t believe it, even when you see it. To most eyes, it looks like I’m playing games.

I’m not playing games to such an extent, my not playing games — looks like an ultimate game.

Am I weak? Not in a million years. But am I vulnerable? Abso-fucking-lutely. Because I feel. Because something happened and I feel it. And I want to stay in my vulnerability; it’s a power BEFORE I regain my power.

I want to memorize the moment of hurt, who did it, and why it happened. Because by living in it, I’m creating “a certain quality of space”.

My vulnerability makes me this person you, now reading this — wonder, how I can guess what you feel, right at the time you are reading this. I can write your feelings, even though I have never met you because I feel. BECAUSE I’m vulnerable.

I wrote an article in 2017 about Wentworth Miller“Taking it Personally”. You know that beautiful guy from Prison Break? He’s also the most beautiful on the inside and my constant inspiration.

In that article, which is an inspiration for this article (alongside some shitty people that tried to convince me my vulnerability is a flaw) I talk about Wentworth’s quote on being sensitive and vulnerable.

It’s an absolute must-read, my keepsake I keep coming back to, re-reading every time my sanity needs some reassurance:

“I think being sensitive is a good thing. I think Taking It Personally is a good thing. It’s made me the man/actor/writer I am today. I wouldn’t change that for anything. I would say being sensitive is what makes us human. That people who Take It Personally change the world. Get sh-t done. Why? Because we Make It Personal. Whatever “It” is. I would also say that, being sensitive, it serves me to continue to practice being sensitive to others. To practice holding a certain quality of space. To assess, to the best of my abilities, whether what someone says to me, about me, or around me is really about them. Not me. And react accordingly. Sometimes being sensitive looks like knowing when I don’t need to Take It Personally.”

To practice holding a certain quality of space.

People who never talk about anything that hurt them, people who appear together and don’t “torture” others with their pain, are the people who don’t feel hurt, but don’t feel joy either.

And do you want to be the type of person that doesn’t feel anything, or do you want to be the type of person that feels ALL of it?

Being hurt by the actions of others, whether that’s friends, lovers, partners, or even just fuckboys you were (un)fortunate to come across – don’t let anyone shame you for it. Your vulnerability is a huge part of why the cause of your hurt liked you in the first place.

The biggest lie of your life is everyone telling you — you shouldn’t be honest, you shouldn’t say or text what you actually feel, you shouldn’t say something touched you, or hurt you; you should instead play games, look unaffected, strong, unfazed.

Those people are boring. And weak. They need to keep up their charade, to not otherwise break apart.

Your vulnerability is freedom. Stripped of all ego. It’s what makes you tactile. Sensible. Sensual. It’s what made people like you in the first place and why he loves that thing you do with your tongue. And why they never forget it.

Own it.