Californication

As I said in my Hiatus post, there's few things that happened in this past year while I was on, you guessed it - hiatus - that have a spot in my bucket. One is them, the ending of Californication. If you know me personally, you'd know that show was my Holy Grail of surviving this town. The way they did the absurdities of Hollywood through one man's personal & professional journey, it gave me comfort. He gave me comfort. His unconformity gave me comfort.

To conclude how brilliantly this series penetrated us for 7 years, it would be an understatement. It screwed us, had sex with us, banged us, pounded us. Almost as good as the real thing.

I don’t know about you, but Califonication gave me many orgasms. The plot, the words, the cast, it was climaxing. I loved many shows in my TV adoring career, but this one? It was LIFE.

It had all the ingredients I needed. New York / LA parallel. Words. Sarcasm. Plots hard to comprehend unless you ever habituated in Hollywood. The ridiculousness of it all. This place that is nearly laughable but somehow ruling the planet. The palm trees. You can’t go without palm trees. Very Important. The guy. THE WORDS.

The guy. The one David Duchovny. The man. The legend. Scarily comfortable in this role. Hank Moody? I refuse to accept you do not exist and part of you is not deep instilled in David Duchovny. I refuse.

Epic epic ride.

I expected a lot from the ending of the series. After having such brilliant run, the ending has to be epic, right?! And I have to say, it didn’t penetrate me, bang me, pound me as I expected. It was a 4 minute fornication, that ending. Did you see that ending?! Like you see this beautiful guy that’s totally climbable (I heard that phrase the other day, and I got married to it), and he ends up ejaculating in 3 minutes. The culmination was rising for 7 years for the Cali epic fornication love story, and...? He read her his words on a plane? On a plane? And that lets switch seat detail? Is this a Jennifer Aniston movie? #IThinkNot

Not happy, David Duchovny. Not happy.

I, at least expected the kid is creating diversion to get the to NY for her wedding only to actually stage THEIR wedding, now that would be a Cali effin Fornication ending,

But hey. Lets not get greedy. 7 years of epic sex is worth one final 3 minute ejaculation.

#Methinks.

---

I watch a lot of Television. Tons. Good, bad, you name it. I’m a firm believer in learning more valuable things from different mediums of art, than people. Friends, foes, whatever they might be, what do they give us exactly, then occasional drinking & bitching buddies? Sometimes an exceptional individual enters your life, yes, but often it's just those that drain you. I'd rather spend time with bad TV, than bad people.I measure my life through the things I see, hear or read. There’s just something so magical about a person pouring their life experience, their hurt into a song, book, or script that somehow ended up in front of you to learn from it. I love pondering about that exchange of life through the arts, it’s what makes life worth living. The only thing that truly makes sense in an otherwise senseless world is - we can all relate to each other. We all go through the same exact things.I moved to California in 2007, after 12 years of life in New York. East coast people always ask me in wonder why I would do such a thing. The rest of the world that watches California on scripted Television envies me. Only one is right.I can't quite pin down what made me make the move. New York is the only place on Earth I truly ever felt I completely belong. California is the place all the uncool people go to. I needed a break from my lover, and I always knew I'd be back one day. After a decade of subways and cabs, I just wanted to jump into my own car and drive down Sunset, be stuck on Mulholland, go write in Coffee Bean in Malibu, and jump in the Ocean when I have no more words.I’m not big on destiny, but I do believe you meet someone when you have to learn something about yourself, you read a book when you have to take something from it, you hear a song when you’re hurting or feel joyous, and you watch a show/film in the exact time in your life when you need to. You don’t know what exactly that is when you start, but you’ll know by the end of it. It will change you.Don’t you love that about TV? When you start watching the show and you don’t even know what it will mean to you. By the time you reach the second, third season, you’re so into it you wish you were that focused in the beginning so you could catch that high when it was happening! Isn’t it the same with relationships? We’re never aware in the beginning, and we spend the rest of our time trying to chase it, trying to relive it. Rarely we ever succeed.That’s the story of Californication & me. I didn't watch it when I came out. I was putting it off for so long as if I knew it’s going to monumentally matter to me. The show came out a couple of months after my bicoastal swap. I was trying to convince myself it's a lame story of a New York writer transfucked to Los Angeles, who hates, screws & pisses everyone and everything in his path. All while drinking, smoking & bitching through Venice for the sole purpose of showing the world this caricature of what they think Los Angeles is, wannabe the type of show that’s basically Sex & the City for fist-pumping men-children around the globe.I succumbed, of course.Sometimes, things are so great you can't properly describe them. As if you would harm or disadvantage them with your words. The show gives me so much pleasure, every single word that is uttered I need to write it down and remember it for as long as I live. I watched it at the exact time I needed it. It’s all about the readiness, Shakespeare said. Readiness is life-altering. I watched Californication at the exact time I was disheartened with men. The way they are, how they do things, and how one-sided most of them are. Smart. Or artistic. Or badass. Or successful. Or funny and interesting. Or have amazing bodies and sexual drive that goes with it. But never all of that. At most you’ll find the guy with two of those things. All while hypocritically looking for women that are everything.Women are being pressured by men, society, media, on an everyday basis; if you want to be desirable and keep your man, you have to be everything. Do everything. What’s that played-out line that makes me vomit - a lady, a homemaker, and the whore all in one? Platitude of all platitudes. Cringe. Be all that to keep a man! To make sure he never leaves you. All while men you do it for are mostly none of it. How dare you demand he be all that too!Californication, and the god damn character they made. The man. Hank. Hank Moody. It’s like they wanted to create this mind fuck of a character, so flawed, almost with the caricatural approach, yet his flaws show directly the opposite. Just how smart the writers of that show are; the way they cheat us by shoving explicit sex down our throats with the sole purpose of providing the backdrop to the satire that is Hank Moody, creating the base for alpha male jokes that made the show occupy the cult status it enjoys. All with one purpose in mind - to show us the most heartwarming, raw, realistic love story on Television today.Let me just start by giving you a reality check - no one gets that much sex in Hollywood unless you’re Leo or something in that vicinity. Women don’t throw themselves at writers, even if they’re built as God, sorry I mean David Duchovny. Or IF they ARE David Duchovny. As I said, backdrop. But what’s amazing about this character - is its poignancy. Men are so one-sided. The complexity of Hank Moody is what made this series a "cult-hit show”. Here comes this guy who declares to his agent while jogging down Venice boardwalk - “the gods have seen fit to give me another shot with the soul-mate, I’ve got to be ready for her; mentally, physically, sexually.” And basically, that’s the core of him through out the series. He’s good at everything. He wants to BE everything. Ironically (or not really), hello the best typecasting on the planet - that's exactly what David Duchovny is.I don’t know about you, but men make me monumentally tired. They are either sexual and passionate, you need to grasp for air, but there’s absolutely nothing he says that keeps you ticking. There are guys who are so intelligent, quick, they open the whole new world for you, but sexually......not there. There are guys with such artistic depths, interesting, different; but they have absolutely no clue how to combine it with some stability needed to create a dignified, adult living. I’m so over it.Even when you are annoyed at them, they don't even know how to communicate, banter properly. Trying to talk back like children in the sandbox. Never an intelligent exchange of differing opinions. Or at least a bit of sarcasm, irony.When Hank and Karen fought, one of their many fights throughout the series when she tried to get him to go to therapy, and he says -

“I don’t want to go to a fucking shrink, I’m a writer, I don’t give my shit away like that!”

And we can go on and on and on about how slick, smart, funny, sexy l and built like a motherfucker he is, and you'll me - are you serious, this is just the TV character, he's made up - you’re right. Hank Moody is a character, he’s reading the script. He’s not real. He's fed those lines by writers. Hank is not David Duchovny. He’s an actor. Hank is made up. He’s probably just a fucked up actor like everyone else.Gotcha. Let’s review that.David Duchovny, an actor, went to COLLEGIATE prep where he graduated valedictorian; then attended PRINCETON where he graduated summa cum laude with B.A. In English Literature, WHILE he played varsity basketball; then he received the Master of Arts in English Literature from YALE, and stopped at the thesis away from Doctorate. He is a writer, actor, director, and musician. He runs Triathlons and does Olympic workouts. And his body at 52 is more ripped than most 20-year-olds. Chris Carter, the creator of X-Files, said David is the most well-read man he ever met, who came out of the womb asking for the basketball & the volume of Nietzsche. Well, there’s that sex addiction thing and all.Lesser humans would call it a flaw.Is it really a flaw?Exchange of arts/exchange of life, remember? Be greedy bitches, bitches. Ask for ALL.As for Hank? Well, he only has one thing to say to you:Hank just fucking hates you all.