The Enviable Freedom of Alexandra Grant

A famous older actress once told me, at dinner, in her Hollywood Hills house where I ended up by sheer circumstance:

“Remember this thing. People are never ever going to be jealous at your youth or beauty or your money or success…”

I knew more was coming, given a dramatic introduction; it startled me for a few seconds, while she took a sip of breath. What are people going to be jealous of if not beauty, money, or youth; I thought. I waited in wonder while she chewed the rest of her pasta pomodoro, and she continued:

”…as they will be jealous at your drive, energy, and most of all — for having balls to do what scares them”.

I left dinner a bit puzzled. I thought about her statement for a while, after that encounter. As I lived more and more years on this planet, her words keep coming back to me in the form of so many confirmations.

I learned:

• People are not jealous of what they can’t change.

• People are jealous of what they could be but have no strength/drive/energy to achieve it.

• Hating requires no effort.

Enter Keanu Reeves.

What the hell happened last week? Drama, think pieces, articles, Twitter mayhem, and all-around insanity for the world founding out Keanu has a girlfriend, and she’s not 25 years old! And has grey hair!

The woman is actually 9 years younger than him; how is this fact lost on people cheering him up for having an age-appropriate girlfriend? She is not “age appropriate”, she is a decade YOUNGER.

I’m happy we arrived here. Because now is the moment. These two people know each other since 2011. Probably have been dating for years on a down-low. They held hands on a minimum of 6 red carpets so far. Why all the noise now? Because the shift happened. Didn’t I tell you the shift is coming in some of my previous articles?

I am amazed at the number of think pieces this moment produced.

Keanu Reeves has an “age-appropriate” girlfriend, who does not color her grey hair. Think pieces on this have a wide spectrum; from women thanking Alexandra for existing so they can feel better about age, and grey hair —  hopeful there might be a place in the world for middle-aged women after all; to men criticizing the think pieces written by women for promoting a notion of looking for a man to supply the moral (and physical) support of accepting oneself, “Keanu picked her, therefore she is valid, therefore we are valid”.

My head hurts.

What most people are failing to understand here, this is not about Keanu. It’s hard to separate this notion from the story, I get it. Isn’t it sad just how much a women’s validation depends on a man and what he thinks about her? Will he pick us? We are worthy if he does, and worth nothing if he doesn’t.

Is hard to distinguish the fact Keanu is not the champion of this story when you have Leo Di Caprio's and Josh Duhamel's of this world running around; the latter deciding to only date 25-year-olds after his divorce from Fergie, because  — “Well it’s not that I prefer really young women, but you know, I want to have more kids so I practically HAVE TO look at really young women”. Leo, I haven’t even got the energy to start on that statistic of a man.

Truth be honest, I don’t blame these men. I personally know so many that do this, and I know them well; many don’t pick 25-year-olds just because they are 25, that’s some of it, but it’s the least of it. They pick them because 25-year-olds are the only ones who can get impressed by most of these men.

This is not about Keanu. This is about Alexandra.

The reason why people got so fired up about this story is not that they got a validation aging is cool, but because people are slowly starting to realize they have nothing going on for them BUT youth.

Why does this woman bother you? Even those who say “she is so cool and they are so cute together”, feel some type of way. Many are annoyed with this. Less annoyance is caused by — Keanu is not single anymore; people are smart enough to realize chances of Keanu knocking on your door asking you to date him are next to none; everyone is annoyed because — read the beginning of my post.

Because this woman DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK. You want to be this. You want to be this woman who can not be bothered to give two fucks to color her hair and look younger, you wish you could be this free, and this secure with who you are, grey hair, wrinkles, and substance in tow.

Most women are not free.

Not free from spending hours and money trying to look their best, only to get dumped, cheated on, or never even picked. And if you have a guy, you keep looking at other women, better-looking women, younger women, in a constant state of fear of losing him to something. You are not free.

“People are never ever going to be jealous at you for your beauty, youth, money or success. They will be jealous at your drive, energy and most of all for having the balls to do what scares them.”

Alexandra, just by existing, tapped into everyone’s fear.

Young and beautiful women fear beauty is actually not enough (it ends), and the fact they’ll eventually age out of Instagram. Then what?

Older women fear that only a man can validate the insecurity of age.

I like to talk to old people. We are so dumb to not use their experience and wisdom for our own benefit; instead of ignoring them. One older gentleman once told me: “The minute you stop working you are old.” And: “When you start thinking you’re old, you’re old.”

The minute you start thinking you are old, you’re old. The minute you start thinking you are not enough, you won’t be. The minute you start thinking everyone is better than you, they will be.

Age is been seen as an insult. An offense.

And seeing someone not sidelined by it, as Alexandra showed just by existing, stunned everyone.

The shift came, my friends. Hide your Instagrams! Life outside of that little cube awaits, and it ain’t pretty for all of you living in jails of what society or men expect of you.